A few words....

In a rush and a flurry

The house fills with friends

Talking and laughing

Kids running amok

Crazy puppies

Loving attention

Ball throwing

Again and again

The clink of ice against glass

A cracker dipped 

Into cream cheese and sweet chilli

Mum busy in the kitchen

Hey, where is my boy?

My teenager

Who is autistic

Has autism

He hid away fast

Too many people

Horrible noise

Can't cope, won't cope

Retreated to quiet space

Computer escape

No noise

No people

Oh my boy

So not fair

Life is harsh 

And unkind

I want you with us

I know you cannot

I want to be with you

Sometimes I cannot

It's a circle of emotion

Do I cut myself off

and give you my all

One hundred percent

Or

Do I let you be

So that I can be free

For just a few hours

Your withdrawal

Saddens me

Fills me with guilt

Can I do more?

I see your progress 

Am part of your progress

Such tiny steps forward

but forward all the same

Our visitors don't see it

The progress made

You are not to be seen

and no one goes to see

Special needs is hard

for you

me

everyone who has

I get tired of the fight

The work

The treadmill

Keep going, keep going

I adore you my boy

But sometimes

I need to escape

Just as you do

I want to be normal

Just a mum

With everyday issues

Not the dread of "what it?"

You are doing so great

But so far behind

A million light years

From the kids today

It is so bloody unfair

And autism is growing

There are more kids like you

More mothers like me

A multitude of issues

Autism and more

A forever concern

For parents alone

I checked on you 

Again and then more

You were happy

But not me

I want you with us

I know you cannot

I want to be with you

Sometimes I cannot