Thursday, May 17, 2012

Excuse me.... this is not my baby!


March 2000

Dear Doctor 

Thank you once again for helping me deliver my little boy. It was very sweet of you to order me an epidural. I really was mighty chuffed, even though I subsequently heard via the grapevine, that you didn't like to get out of your bed unless absolutely necessary! Wow, that epidural did its trick, hey! It managed to slow down my contractions and prolong my labour until you had finished your eight hour sleep, have a leisurely breakfast and come to work all dressed up in your suit. Ahem, hope you don't mind me telling you this... but the white gumboots didn't look quite right!

Anyhow, I just need to bring up a little something that has been bothering me for a few months now. You see, Doctor...... I spent a lovely three days in hospital, bonding with my little boy. Did you know that we took to breastfeeding easily and that my baby actually gained weight before leaving the hospital!

The first couple of weeks at home are a bit of a blur! That constant treadmill of caring for a newborn, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Feeding, burping, changing nappies, sleeping... you get my drift?

Doctor, we then hit a little snag and the wheels fell off big time. My baby stopped feeding! I would put him to the breast and he would suckle for 30 seconds and then stop. I would wind him and try again. While I was going crazy mad over the feeding issue, I was also spending hours carrying around a screaming baby. Seriously, my life turned upside down. This pattern carried on for weeks until I finally introduced solids at 4 months. He must have got some nourishment from those quick 30 second feeds because he did put on weight. 25 GRAMS per week. Did you hear me Doctor? ONLY 25 GRAMS per week!! I should have started solids earlier, BUT I didn't! 

Life improved after solids...... until we started to notice that he wasn't reaching his milestones. Initially I explained this away by saying that his older sibling was a late developer. Again, this period of my life is a bit of a blur. Understandable, don't you think?

Doctor, he doesn't play, he is difficult to interact with, he doesn't explore, he doesn't crawl, he doesn't babble! He does not POINT! He cries, he howls and he cries some more. He won’t go to sleep and when he does sleep, he wakes up many times throughout the night. I swaddle him up tight and pull him in close to my body. I rock him, I bounce him, I cry over him, I push him in his buggy! My heart is breaking into pieces.

Doctor, something is going on with this kid. This is not the baby I ordered. Doctor, please help me...... I had a normal pregnancy, I didn't smoke or drink, I didn't take drugs..... Oops, I did take ONE tablet for serious nausea! Babies are meant to be highly social little creatures. This baby is hard work. This is not my baby, it can't be! 

It's OK, I won't be cross.... just please take this one back and give me my real baby. Please, PLEASE! I can't deal with this one. Admit it, Doctor. You gave me the wrong baby!


12 comments:

  1. You've made me laugh... but then also thinking... Patrik stopped with breastfeeding around the second month of his life... as it was... the first month he gained almost 1,1 kg, the next one only 0,25 kg... This makes me thinking...

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  2. My baby boy did not start to talk or point or even look at me when I expected him too as well and it's just heartbreaking when it happens xx

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  3. @Petra ~ Thank goodness those days are over! Nick is still not a big drinker... what about Patrik?

    @Floortime Lite Mama ~ Thanks, K. I really appreciate your comment. x

    @Looking for Blue Sky ~ Sorry to hear that, I didn't realise that you experienced it as well. Yes, as you know.. it is heartbreaking! x

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  4. I know you're being funny, but boy can I feel the pain behind the joking. My little fella was a super-amazing baby who in retrospect was way too good. There were times I wanted to take him back to the baby shop, but now I wouldn't swap him for the world....well, maybe I would for a quiet cup of tea somedays...XXX

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    1. Hi Jean, it helps to look back and view all that has happened, with a sense of humour! It was certainly very painful at the time! I think I am now on the same page as you.... I also wouldn't swap him for the world! :)

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  5. Pamela nursed well and never had a hard time eating. Her slide into autism took longer and she hardly ever cried. It is amazing how different our journeys can be and yet so similar.

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    1. You were fortunate that Pamela was a good feeder/eater. Yes, it is amazing... and I am hoping that Nick makes as much progress as Pamela! :)

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  6. Oh Di, you are such a wonderful mother. Your sharing made me think again of our beautiful little Ayanda (we fostered her while she waited for adoption). Her mother thought what you joke about! She said Ayanda was not her baby - that the doctor had given her a girl instead of a boy! She refused to keep her, even when tests proved she was her child!

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    1. Mischal, you are too kind!! Thank you though x
      I know I wrote in jest...it never occurred to me that a mother would refuse to keep her baby because she thought it was the wrong one! I wonder where Ayanda is now.

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  7. Brilliantly written but so so sad.reminded me of the early days, knowing that something was wrong.

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    1. Thank you, LittleMamma. I am sorry to make you sad! :(

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