Sunday, July 22, 2012

My Reality - comparison fatigue

Yes, you did read it right.... *comparison* fatigue!


I have had an absolutely splendid and a jolly good show of a time with my family in the UK (said with a very fake English accent!).


We have been everywhere, man (gotta throw in a kiwi expression, although it is a very old one!).


Eish (South African word), it's been cold, wet and sometimes wild. Feels very weird to experience a UK summer that is actually colder than our Durban winter!


Really and truly, the time out has been fantastic. I needed some space and I also craved having some time with my first born. It has been great to reconnect with Thomas, without having to take into account the needs of my Nick.


Generally, I live in a bit of a bubble world. My life revolves around my family (of which there are four of us and a dog), school, friends and all that other stuff that happens on a daily basis. I come into contact with children, although I don't spend a lot of time interacting with and/or observing them.


Thus, when I leave my little bubble world and spend some real time on the outside, I get a serious wake up call....


It is kind of like, "Oh shite, so this is what typically developing kids do!" 


I am thinking.. theme park, large noisy rollercoasters, kids running all over the place, yelling, screaming, negotiating, arguing, laughing and having a wonderful time. 


I am remembering the most precious 9 month old boy, who had made the long trip from New Zealand, adapted to his surroundings with ease and then thrust into my arms (a complete stranger to him). There was an immediate bond within split seconds That instant interaction with him was incredible. Oh help, he is more socially advanced than my own child, who just happens to be 13!


A picnic with kids, lots of noisy boisterous boys. A tug of war, pulling hard, moving together against their opponents, team work and laugher. Not possible for my Nick.


Playful cousins, jumping, tickling, rough housing and all that glorious stuff that kids do to each other.


I watched a young man showing his delight at the musicians playing their music on a busy market street. He rubbed his hands together, over and over. I listened to the repetitive sounds that he made. Was he autistic? Who knows... and it doesn't matter. 
.
After a while it gets a bit much. The observations start to hurt a little. The comparison is vast, a massive chasm between regular kids and the capabilities of my son. 


Real time can be exhausting....


My bubble world is reality, although the opportunity for comparison is less. Right at this moment, I am keen for less!







12 comments:

  1. I love this post Di. Glad you had a splendid time over here in Blighty despite the bad weather.
    I had similar feelings of comparison last week. All the children and parents in the playground were laughing and chatting about the holidays, arranging playdates at each others houses, the park etc etc and at that moment I felt sad. Wondering if J would ever be invited to any of those playdates and wondering if he would ever go even if he was to be invited......just wondering xx

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  2. Oh Di.....I don't know what to say but...here is a big hug {{HUG}}

    Xxx

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  3. Oh man, I hear you! I find myself at a loss when in the company of ruggles (regular kids). My games seem so silly - "only babies do that" one little girl once told me. Especially games that involve pretend and imagination; I suck at those. It's lovely to get out into the 'real world' every now and again, but my bubble is cosy too :)

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  4. @Jo ~ I really feel for you, it is so much harder for you because you are out there in the thick of it. I hope it all works out for you in the end! x

    @Fi ~ Thank you. I really appreciate your hug! x

    @Stacey ~ I love your word *ruggles*! Thank goodness for cosy bubbles.

    Thank you for your lovely comments... Give me a couple of days and I will be back to normal! Anyone got a good word for regular adults? :)

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  5. Hugs my love
    Its truly a horrible reality check sometime
    Our speechie - has an adorable one year old - when she cannot get a babysitter - we just ask her to bring the baby and DH or I babysit
    First I could not get over how low maintenance this baby was - WOW
    I kept thinking - surely I need to rock him or entertain him in some way - R at his age needed constant entertainment
    Then I started doing floortime with him and realized with shock that the 1 year old was a FAR better flloortimer than my 7 year old :-(

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  6. I get this too, as I'm spending more and more time in my bubble lately - tried a break out the other weekend when my son attended an open day at the local tennis club. He enjoyed it but I was quite glad when he said he didn't want to join, because he looked so different x

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    1. Oh, Blue Sky, I don't know what to say.... it is difficult being out in public when our kids are so obviously different from their peers. Life would be easier if we kept them *indoors* BUT we must take them out. You should have seen me at the beach front yesterday with both Nick and the dog!! Think I must write a blog post! :-)

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  7. It's great to hear that I'm not the only who struggles with these comparisons. We get out alot but sometimes I come home from somewhere where's there's been lots of "ruggles" and I get so depressed. I try to focus on the good things my Zip had done (when that happens) but it's hard. I, too, am often amazed at how interactive little babies and toddlers can be.

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  8. I remember how often we used to make the excuse, "He's very shy," when ours didn't respond when spoken to. I remember the glare of "ruggle"parents who were convinced we were too easy/harsh/terrible parents because their kid of course was sainthood personified (just like Lucius Malfoy).

    Over time skin thickened. But I am glad you had that break and glad to welcome you back.

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  9. @Zipmummy ~ it is hard and it does help to focus on all the good things. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

    @anautismdad ~ Hilary, you are right, over time our skin thickens. I also think that as our children get older, we become more accepting and our attitude to ruggle parents becomes softer...

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  10. What I have come to realise that if ours was not autistic, he would not be who he is. I have no idea what he would be like if he was NT. Saint Francis or Hannibal Lecter? Who knows? I love him as he is and I'll take him as he is.

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Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment. x