Living in the moment

Yes, I know.... I did say that I wouldn't be sharing any more video footage of Nick. BUT, this clip makes my heart sing! It is only a small segment of the original footage; therefore, you are not getting the whole story.

I have chosen this particular piece to spotlight a few things that stood out for me. The video runs for less than a minute!

The connection between us is just too precious. Nick is enjoying the interaction with me. He is focused and continually references my face and body language for information, enjoyment and experience sharing.

We each have a role to play. In this case, we were using a reciprocal pattern (I take a turn, you take the same turn). Although, it has to be said, Nick expanded on his turn! He decided to take a brick and then deliberately knock some of the others off the stack. Not once but twice. I love that he took this initiative and then looked at me each time to check out my reaction.

I am providing guidance by slowing down the activity, really drawing out my turn and building up the anticipation. I use noises and declarative comments to spotlight different aspects of our interaction.

We have a lovely co-regulatory pattern happening and we are sharing the experience. It's good fun and Nick will have a really nice episodic memory of our time together. Moments like these are highly motivating and addictive. Mindful guiding really works a treat. #RDI

~*~

"Mindful of being in the moment and really enjoying what you have now."

Dr Sarah Wayland

I ♥ RDI

The joy that the attached video clip gives me is indescribable; and in fact I have been sitting on this post for a few days. It has been difficult to find the words to explain how I feel about the footage.

To be perfectly honest with you, Nick is severely autistic and he has really battled over the years, dealing with anxiety, uncertainty, feelings of incompetence, lack of communication and huge sensory needs. In short, life has not been easy for him and the stress on us as a family has been immense.

Having a child who was unable to go out into the community made our days very restrictive. Dealing with his stress over the slightest change in routine was soul destroying. Being a mum and living with a child who had no desire to *connect* broke my heart.

When we first started with RDI, I took on board that our journey was a 'marathon, not a sprint'. I let go of my desire to rush my way through Nick's development. I accepted that the role I needed to play as Nick's parent was huge. Our journey wasn't just about him; it was also about me and how 'together' we could progress.

This video clip is a culmination of years of working with my son. It shows how we engage with each other in a meaningful way. The actual activity is not important, it is only a prop for our engagement. So much is evident throughout the clip.... joint attention, co-regulation, pausing, referencing, pacing, non verbal communication, edge plus one, experience sharing, trust and enjoyment.

For interest sake; these days, Nick is incredibly flexible (not so much with food!) and he loves going out. As for change, routines, structure and problems with transitioning... what are those? You can see for yourself that the desire to connect is now there! :)

Onward and upward!

Cutting Edge..... yeah right!!!!!

Not so long ago I saw an advertisement for a course on autism, not just a plain old course BUT one that was 'Cutting Edge'. I debated about attending!  Let's face it, my child is 12 years old and I have been to a few conferences.... BUT this one was 'Cutting Edge'!! 

If I did go, it would mean leaving my family for two nights. It would mean taking a plane. I would have to hire a car and drive around Johannesburg (which in itself can be a bit scary!). I would be all by myself. Hang on a minute, I could meet my friend Sarn for lunch.... at SANDTON!! I could stay with my lovely friend Brenda! I could also meet up with two Durban friends at the course.  The more I thought about it, the more I thought how can I miss the opportunity to attend a course on autism, especially when I could also have some fun and perhaps do a little bit of shopping!

Therefore, I duly left my family to sort themselves out! Did they manage? I don't know ~ I didn't bother asking!! :)

Anyway, back to the course.....

Our day was jampacked full of speakers, covering a variety of topics. I am not going to give you a blow by blow account of it all, otherwise this will turn into an extremely long post! Excluding breaks, we sat for just over seven hours *listening*, shuffling in chairs, sneaking out for a quick loo break, whispering to the neighbours, sucking on mints, rummaging through the handouts, checking out who was wearing what!

To be honest, I have to say that the course was NOT cutting edge and although the speakers seem like really nice people, their lectures were just a bit out of date!  I can't really expand on that, otherwise I am sure to be shot down in flames!!!! 

However, I do have one thing to comment on! How could I not!

I was quite excited when the following was mentioned by one of the speakers (in fact, I pinched it from the handout!). 

“Children with ASD found to experience particular difficulty with: gaze shifts, shared positive affect, joint attention, using a range of communication means and functions, use of gestures/non-verbals, reciprocity, social affective signaling and imitation.”

How fantastic, we were going to hear about new 'Cutting Edge' ideas on how to help children with everything mentioned in that one paragraph! I sat eagerly on the edge of my chair......

and waited

and waited

Not once in those seven hours was anything mentioned that related to that one paragraph (or what I perceived that paragraph to mean!). Sure, child development was discussed, BUT each and every therapy spoken about, looked at the child from an academic point of view and what needed to be done to make the child successful at school. 

People, I think the point is being missed here! We need to go back further and further to the beginning stages of child development. Don't we want our kids to be dynamic thinkers? Don't we want to give them the opportunities to communicate in an experience sharing way? Don't we want to have a *real* connection with our children? I know I do.............. and if that means accepting that my child has missed out on all of those important steps when he was a wee tot, well then, so be it..... I am going to go right back and address those developmental milestones that he didn't pass!  After all I have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

As for the autism course, I don't think I will be attending another one in a hurry, unless of course I need to find an excuse to visit lovely friends and go shopping!!

Oh, by the way.... the only thing I bought was a small parachute for Kids First!! :)

~*~