What a good mother!!

Sigh, I am not so good at being a mum who supplies ready baked cookies for school lunch boxes! In fact I am down right useless! Nick doesn't eat any type of biscuit or cake, which is a bit of a bonus considering his really bad diet! The other kid of mine will munch his way through anything and he often throws me a little line that makes my mother guilt rise to the surface! 

I eyed up the three very over ripe bananas that had been sitting on the bench for the last few days. Bleurgh, no way would they be eaten and it would be a waste to throw them out! Time to make a plan (and appease my guilt!)

I haven't done much with Nick over the last few days as the poor kid has been a bit under the weather with a head cold. However, he did perk up today so I took advantage of this and wrote up four (yes, four!) planned engagements for us to do together. All easy stuff with a hint of a challenge!

#1. First up, I chatted to Nick about a shopping list. I suggested an item that we needed to buy and he then typed the word using his Lightwriter. The challenge for him was to wait for me to acknowledge the word that he had typed and then WAIT for me to write it down on a piece of paper. The waiting is hard for Nick as he tends to type a word and then quickly erase it! The challenge was successful, although I did keep the engagement short and only focused on five words (without being too bothered with the spelling).

Hah, Nick can spell 'butter'.... I never knew! :)

#2  With shopping list in hand, we then headed off to the supermarket for our next planned engagement. Grocery shopping is a breeze for Nick, although of late I have been a bit slack about adding variation to our little routines. Usually I will pass an item to Nick and he will put it in the trolley, however, this time he needed to be aware of what I was saying and where I was looking, in order to choose the correct item and then GIVE it to me! 

#3 Fast forward to later in the day. We needed to peel the bananas to add to the other ingredients and the video clip below shows how we went about this.  




#4  Last but not least, we then had to remove the cooked Banana Bread from the baking tin and then peel off the paper. Nick has never done this before and he was an absolute champ, although he wasn't too keen on the *feel* of the greasy paper! 

So, there you have it. Four planned engagements that were very simple and just enough of a challenge in order for Nick to learn further. Four opportunities for me to practice guiding my boy to *think* for himself. And one freshly baked Banana Bread for my first born!! 

~*~

I read this short ARTICLE today and wanted to share it for those of you who are interested in learning further about RDI. 

RDI ~ changing my style of communication

I have been reflecting on my role as Nick's parent and how we have progressed over the years!

If I think back to six years ago I was very much the carer of my child. I fed him, bathed him, wiped his bum and tried to keep him happy. I drove him to school and placed him in the very capable hands of his teacher. I was the regular taxi mum and without fail took him to Speech Therapy, Physiotherapy and Occupational Therapy. I was a star. I did a *good job*.

Why did I try to keep him happy? 

My boy hated any form of change. He was extremely anxious. He couldn't cope with noise and/or unexpected noises. He needed his rigid little patterns. EVERYTHING had to be the same. He would get very stressed it we added a teeny tiny variation. We couldn't take him anywhere. Life for him was stressful. Life for me as his mother was exhausting. I seemed to be on a permanent merry-go-round and unable to get off. Life was fast, extremely busy and without reprieve. 

I found it far easier to let my boy be in control and to do as he pleased ~ rather than rock the boat and suffer the consequences!  I was a star. I did a *good job*..... or did I?

Roll in RDI (you knew I was going to say that, right?).

I did a lot of reading and learned a few titbits that I started to apply with Nick. (This was before we got involved with a consultant).

I stopped talking *at* him. I stopped telling him what to do. I stopped prompting him. In fact I shut up and became more non-verbal. I learned that eye contact was not something to be trained. It was more important (and meaningful) that Nick learned to reference my face and body language for information. I love that we have this in place. We can be at the supermarket and Nick will wander off, however, he is constantly checking to see where I am and also monitoring my reaction ~ am I okay that he is exploring, do I need him to come back, do I need help unloading the groceries...

I became mindful about the use of pausing and then waiting for Nick to react. His processing time was slow, therefore I waited.... and waited some more. Not 5 seconds, not 10 seconds BUT at least 45 seconds. I still use this concept and it works a treat. Nick is now much more capable of thinking for himself and his processing time has also increased dramatically. I could be waiting at the car, holding one half of a heavy bag of groceries and Nick will look to me, I shrug my shoulders and look at the bag. He will generally process this information and then come and hold the other half of the bag and we then carry it together...

I learned the value of cutting back on imperative language and placing more emphasis on being more declarative. Phew, this took ages to get used to. Let's face it, we are naturally imperative..... "What did you do at school today". "Pass the salt". "What colour is that?". However... and this is a big HOWEVER! Due to the fact that I have been using more experience sharing language and *inviting* a response, Nick has really come to the party. Again, he is thinking for himself, making his own decisions and responding if he wants to, not because he has to. This is a boy who was unable to do anything without a direct prompt. 

I found that chanting helped Nick transition and distract him from a stressful situation. This is another beauty. As mentioned previously, Nick couldn't cope with change of any sort. Heaven forbid that I wanted him to get out of the car when we got to the supermarket! The screaming, the crying and the pinching.... extreme distress. What I used to do was hold his hand and gently start swinging our hands in a nice calm regular pattern.... and I would chant at the same time, "walking, walking, walking". I still use chanting at times as it helps Nick to focus on what we are doing. I love how this helps him. (*Please note that getting Nick back out into the community was a very slow and gentle process!)

Self talk: I like this concept because I am highlighting my thoughts about what I am doing and what is happening. Nick is learning about *my* thinking process. I am now so good at this that I find myself talking aloud in the middle of the supermarket ~ not so cool when I am by myself!   

The above are just a few concepts that come to mind. It is all common sense really.... it is the putting into practice that makes a difference. We have the following picture at school... it is a great reminder for us all to be mindful about how we interact and engage with the children.

Oops, have just seen the time.... gotta go collect Nick from school. Have a great weekend. x

RDI ~ Observation and Imitation

We have been assigned a new RDI objective and it goes something like this;


Observation and Imitation


I need to provide opportunities for Nick to observe me demonstrating small things that I do on a day to day basis; and it needs to be something he is not used to doing. I then need to revisit that same activity a few hours later and observe to see if Nick is capable of memory retrieval and can imitate my previous actions.


As mentioned by our consultant; "The Challenge- Even though we will observe the goal of being able to carry out an action, we are looking, in this case at the goal beneath the goal of observation and imitation, leading to the understanding of the intent of observation to be able to carry out a goal"


"Nick observes carefully while you demonstrate a simple cause and effect action that results in a clear outcome. This observation will then carry over to understanding the relationship between observing and actually taking responsibility in doing it."


Sounds easy, right?


For the sake of this blog post, I am only going to focus on one framework....


*Making a cup of tea*


My aim was for Nick to observe me opening the cupboard and taking out one cup, the canister of teabags, the canister of sugar and a teaspoon. I also planned to make declarative comments to highlight each item. Due to other commitments throughout the afternoon, I decided to wait three hours before revisiting this activity. Then our roles would change, it would be my turn to observe and Nick would be responsible for taking out each item.

The following (very short) video clip shows both interactions 

Hmm, this wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. You can see from the video clip that Nick was aware that he had to take the items out of the cupboard, however, he was unable to remember the items and the sequence in which I took them out of the cupboard. 


Reflecting on this particular clip was a learning curve for me. I came to the conclusion that the time between activities was too long and I had given Nick too many items to remember. I also realised that he had no understanding of tea and sugar. He didn't know the words 'canister' or   'silver'. He was not aware of the difference between the spoons in the drawer. 


Not to be too harsh on myself, I do think that we, as a family, need to be more mindful of including Nick in more day to day activities! To our detriment, we have over indulged our special needs child; we have pandered to his whims because of his disability. His needs are high; however, he has proven to us that he is capable of so much more. We have to raise our expectations and guide him to succeed.


Moving right along......


The next time I introduced this activity to Nick, I made sure to use only two items and to spotlight the pattern on my cup. I was also mindful about slowing down and giving Nick time to observe, think and remember! 

Nick was relaxed and attentive. Our interaction was a positive experience.......... but, would he remember what to do in one hour's time?


I also wanted to see if Nick could retrieve from his memory the information about my cup, therefore, I snuck in a little curve ball of my own! I chose a brightly coloured striped cup and placed it next to my blue flower cup. Nick would see the striped cup first!

Viola, how good was that? :)


You can see at the beginning of the clip that Nick wasn't keen on participating ~ he asked me for the computer and then for the car. However, he quickly slotted into the pattern of retrieving the items AND check... he took out the blue flower cup!!!! I made sure to spotlight that success!


By making a few changes and simplifying our objective, we achieved success. That is a great feeling! The next time I do this activity with Nick, I can add a little challenge. Perhaps I will add an extra item for him to remember. Maybe I will introduce a different pattern of engagement. The possibilities are endless.

I think it is important to remember that I am not training Nick on how to achieve a skill. I am purposely providing him with opportunities and giving him the time to process information, think about that information and then decide on his next course of action. I am not telling him what to do, I am inviting him to respond. I am challenging him to become a dynamic thinker.

~*~

Cutting Edge..... yeah right!!!!!

Not so long ago I saw an advertisement for a course on autism, not just a plain old course BUT one that was 'Cutting Edge'. I debated about attending!  Let's face it, my child is 12 years old and I have been to a few conferences.... BUT this one was 'Cutting Edge'!! 

If I did go, it would mean leaving my family for two nights. It would mean taking a plane. I would have to hire a car and drive around Johannesburg (which in itself can be a bit scary!). I would be all by myself. Hang on a minute, I could meet my friend Sarn for lunch.... at SANDTON!! I could stay with my lovely friend Brenda! I could also meet up with two Durban friends at the course.  The more I thought about it, the more I thought how can I miss the opportunity to attend a course on autism, especially when I could also have some fun and perhaps do a little bit of shopping!

Therefore, I duly left my family to sort themselves out! Did they manage? I don't know ~ I didn't bother asking!! :)

Anyway, back to the course.....

Our day was jampacked full of speakers, covering a variety of topics. I am not going to give you a blow by blow account of it all, otherwise this will turn into an extremely long post! Excluding breaks, we sat for just over seven hours *listening*, shuffling in chairs, sneaking out for a quick loo break, whispering to the neighbours, sucking on mints, rummaging through the handouts, checking out who was wearing what!

To be honest, I have to say that the course was NOT cutting edge and although the speakers seem like really nice people, their lectures were just a bit out of date!  I can't really expand on that, otherwise I am sure to be shot down in flames!!!! 

However, I do have one thing to comment on! How could I not!

I was quite excited when the following was mentioned by one of the speakers (in fact, I pinched it from the handout!). 

“Children with ASD found to experience particular difficulty with: gaze shifts, shared positive affect, joint attention, using a range of communication means and functions, use of gestures/non-verbals, reciprocity, social affective signaling and imitation.”

How fantastic, we were going to hear about new 'Cutting Edge' ideas on how to help children with everything mentioned in that one paragraph! I sat eagerly on the edge of my chair......

and waited

and waited

Not once in those seven hours was anything mentioned that related to that one paragraph (or what I perceived that paragraph to mean!). Sure, child development was discussed, BUT each and every therapy spoken about, looked at the child from an academic point of view and what needed to be done to make the child successful at school. 

People, I think the point is being missed here! We need to go back further and further to the beginning stages of child development. Don't we want our kids to be dynamic thinkers? Don't we want to give them the opportunities to communicate in an experience sharing way? Don't we want to have a *real* connection with our children? I know I do.............. and if that means accepting that my child has missed out on all of those important steps when he was a wee tot, well then, so be it..... I am going to go right back and address those developmental milestones that he didn't pass!  After all I have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

As for the autism course, I don't think I will be attending another one in a hurry, unless of course I need to find an excuse to visit lovely friends and go shopping!!

Oh, by the way.... the only thing I bought was a small parachute for Kids First!! :)

~*~