Making a plan

It is all too easy for an afternoon to waft on by without anything constructive happening. Therefore, I have started to write myself a daily list of activities I can do with Nick. The list keeps me focused and on track.

Planning

I always have a plan in mind for each activity.
I decide on my role and also Nick's role.
I set some limits to ensure I don't let the activity drag on (and be more about the task rather than the interaction between us).
I decide on my style of language.
I ensure that distractions are minimal
I usually apply the 'edge plus 1' concept to all that we do.


Stack dishwasher

We have got a bit slack with this whole dishwasher thing. Nick tends to dump his dirty dishes into the sink and walk off. Not so anymore! I sat next to him on the couch and told him that I needed some help with the dishes. He shook his head for "no". I left him there and started clearing the kitchen sink. Nick, of his own accord, came over to join me. I had already decided that my role would be to hand him some objects and his role would be to put them into the dishwasher. When he struggled with placement of an object, I used chanting to help guide him. ("turning, turning, turning"). I knew that Nick would find this activity challenging, therefore I set a limit of using six objects. Nick's 'edge' was stacking the plates on the bottom shelf. His 'plus 1' was figuring out how to stack two other objects on the top shelf.

Walk ~ pacing

I had planned for us to visit the beachfront and go for a walk along the promenade, however, sod's law, it started to rain. We ended up going to the local mall. Nick has got into the habit of racing off ahead of me, although he always checks back to see where I am. My plan was for us to walk together and I would adjust the pace of our walking to ensure that he coordinated his actions with mine. I used soft chanting to help guide him as to what pace I was going to use next. (slowly, slowly or faster, faster). Nick's 'edge' was walking alongside me. For his 'plus 1', I introduced some window shopping!


Make Play Dough

Back at home, I pulled out all the goodies needed to make play dough. I then invited Nick to come and help. All distractions were dealt with, (big brother had gone out and the dogs banished to the back garden). I set up a simple pattern of... Nick holds the measuring spoon, I put the ingredients into the spoon, Nick transfers the contents to the saucepan. Easy peasy. I sensed that Nick was feeling challenged, therefore kept his part in the activity very short, around three minutes.


Story time

This was a simple co-regulatory activity. I held the book and read the story, pausing frequently to give Nick time to comment. His role was to turn each page when needed. Simple and enjoyable.


Bath ~ practicing drying

Nick's motor planning issues make drying his body very difficult. Admittedly, I have also been a bit slack with guiding him through the process. Blush. Anyhow, I am now making a concerted effort and it is paying off. I vary my guiding as I don't want Nick to become stuck on a set pattern (i.e. only dry his body if I sing a certain song!).

Night time (bath): My role was to gesture to different areas of my body. Nick's role was to follow my lead and copy me, using his towel.

I silently pat my chest
"Oooh, your arm is wet", rubbing my arm
I use eye gaze (which Nick follows) to my leg
"Up, up, up" I raise my arm and look towards my armpit.

I kept my language simple and gave him time to process my information. Nick's 'edge' was drying all the easy bits. His 'plus 1' was learning how to dry his back. Slowly but surely, he is gaining more independence.

~*~

You may note that I didn't follow my list in the order that it was written. The list is a rough guide of activities and I like being flexible, which in turn helps Nick to be flexible! :)

RDI ~ rocking the resilience!

One of the most noticeable things about Nick's progress as we continue on our RDI journey, is the increase in his resilience. It never ceases to amaze me that he has gone from being a highly anxious little boy who couldn't cope with any changes, to being a teen who is open to new experiences and willing to go the extra mile.

The following two video clips (four minutes in total) are from a recent planned engagement.

We had two cans of tomatoes, both with pull off lids. Nick has been practicing how to use a can opener and is now feeling quite competent with his role. Note: we are working towards him being able to open a can independently.

The first part of my plan was to work together using the can opener to open the can. I would be the holder and Nick would be the turner. This is a familiar activity that Nick feels comfortable with, therefore this part of the engagement is the *edge*

For the second part of the plan, I wanted to introduce another way of opening the same type of can. Instead of using the can opener, I intended to guide him on how to use the tab to pull the lid off. This is a new experience for Nick and I classify it as his *plus one*

I realise that I haven't gone into detail about the intricacies of the planned engagement. The purpose of sharing these clips is to show you the progress we have both made.

From my perspective, I find that prior planning makes the world of difference to engagements. I always take the time to write down my goals and objectives, keeping in mind the *edge plus one* concept. I am very aware of pacing/slowing down. My style of language is generally declarative and I am mindful of not bombarding Nick with language. I can read Nick and know when he needs me to help scaffold the activity. I also ensure that we end on a positive note and then recap on our activity.

Nick was the bomb. These video clips, especially the 2nd one, highlight Nick's progress. His resilience throughout the whole engagement just blew me away. He handled the first can so well and we worked nicely together. He was hesitant with the second can, which was understandable due to it being a new experience. Nick also struggles with motor planning issues, which make activities like these even harder for him. However, with my guidance, he really took on the challenge of figuring out how to open the can by using the pull tab. I am so proud of him.

P.S. Nick has recently started to sound out the word, "help". Did you hear him? :-)

Autism and dental care

Going to the dentist is scary.

Going to the dentist when you have sensory issues, motor planning problems, high anxiety and a diagnosis of Autism makes the experience even more scary.

It has been my job to make the experience easier for my son. My attitude and approach has determined how he has taken on board the challenge.

It's been a slow, yet deliberate process. First off, all that was requested of Nick was to visit the waiting room. Thereafter, he would sit in the same room as me while I had dental work done. A few visits later, he was invited to sit in the dental chair. That is all he needed to do.... sit in that chair without any pressure to do any more. Eventually, on another visit, I was able to gently pull back Nick's lips in order for the dentist to quickly peer inside.

Last year, we had some success. Nick was able to tolerate me holding his lips back to enable the dentist to do a brief scraping of the teeth and a quick clean.

Yesterday, I took both boys for their checkup. The big brother was up first. I chatted to the dentist while he was working, and Nick played on his iPad.

When it came to Nick's turn, we took it slowly and gently. We followed his lead and gave him frequent mini breaks. When I saw the anxiety mounting, I started to count aloud using a soft calm voice. During the mini breaks I gave him a little bit of pressure on his chest. Twice, I reined him back in by using a stern voice.... nothing more than a, "Oye, Nicholas". 

Our dentist was absolutely brilliant and Nick was in that chair for twenty minutes. HUGE! 

Edge plus one all the way. For all of us!

A helping hand from big brother!

~*~

Edge plus one

Whenever I plan an activity with Nick, I always keep in mind the concept, 'edge plus one'. Yeah, I know I keep banging on about it! However, since starting RDI, Nick's progress has not regressed or plateaued. His progress may be slow but this concept enables us to continue moving forward.

A couple of weeks ago, I invited Nick to help me with some cooking and I introduced a new can opener. You can learn about our experience right here. 

The following video clips are a follow on from that experience.

I wanted to go back a step and focus on operating the can opener. Simply put, we would both have clearly defined roles. Nick would take the easiest role first. I would hold the handles together and he would turn the blades (taking him to his 'edge'). When I felt the time was right I would bring in the challenge, which would be to swap roles. I would turn the blades as he held the handles (his 'plus one').

This clip shows how much Nick has progressed since my last blog post. He is putting in some muscle and doing his very best to open the tin. I am thrilled with his determination and resilience. Success.... and he is definitely ready to move onto the challenge.

edge

In the following footage, I introduce the challenge to Nick. Even though this is his 'plus one', I don't want to set him up for failure. He does have low tone and major motor planning issues, therefore I would prefer to guide him slowly and help him out where necessary. I also keep this part of the activity short, ensuring that we don't go into 'task mode'. I want Nick to feel comfortable trying new challenges, without getting stressed over the fact that I may be pushing him too far out of his comfort zone.

plus one

You can see that Nick didn't understand the concept of changing roles; therefore I spend quite a bit of time explaining what needs to be done. *Note to self: Don't talk so much; simplify my language a bit more.

It gets a bit confusing, so I pause.... and spotlight, "I know it is tricky". I then spend some more time scaffolding the activity for him. He really doesn't have the *feeling* for squeezing the handle firmly, therefore he is going to need a lot of practice. Eventually I assist by also holding the handle and we end on success.

You may be wondering why I am bothering to teach Nick how to use a can opener! The fact is that the activity is so much more than the can opener. It is about working together in a co-regulatory way. It is about my guiding and Nick learning from the experience. It is about trust, resilience and relationship. It is about connection, competence and progress. It is about adjusting my style of language to give Nick opportunities to 'think for himself'. It is about slowing down and being in the moment. It is about believing in my child.

Project 365 ~ Manual Mode

Day 32 ~ 39


I am hanging out in manual mode and spending the next few days capturing close up shots of Nick's shoe! I think I feel more comfortable with having a theme as opposed to sharing random photographs. Edge plus one, ya know!

I was lying on the ground trying to get the best vantage point for the image I wanted to create. My crazy dog came to investigate and then started licking my ear. The interruption was delightful (not the wet icky tongue!) and a good reminder to enjoy life and have a laugh. Yes, I know there is a little back box in the corner! :-)

If you think this one is boring... you should have seen the others!

I am loving a focused foreground with a blurry background.

Another image showing shallow depth of field.

If you are wondering why I left a little bit of shoe out of the image,
go check out the The Gestalt Principles. 

I thought it was time to bring in some colour. 

Having a lot of fun playing around with aperture and shutter speed. 

Am slowly coming to grips with marrying the two!

Hey, guess what? I took the day off! I made a plan for Nick and then went out for lunch with two 

dear friends. Had a fabulous time, although lost all enthusiasm for today's photo challenge. 

I am so over this shoe!

Took the boys out for a milkshake and captured this image of my first born. 

Way more interesting than a boring shoe! :)

Shoe + rope + slight breeze = great opportunity to practice with my shutter speed!

Have a fabulous weekend!

Nick's hospital experience!

Life has been easy for us of late, so perhaps we were due a shakeup! Mind you, I wasn't expecting Nick to throw us such a huge curve ball.

The order of events went something like this....

Thursday lunchtime: Hot face + cold feet = temperature
Friday lunchtime: Lots of gunk in his throat. Dr. describes him as chesty and gives him antibiotics.
Saturday: Can't get antibiotics into him as they come straight back up. By Saturday night, my uneasiness continues. We decide to take him to the emergency room at our local hospital. After an examination and x-ray we were floored when told that Nick had Pneumonia.

From there, it was a matter of finding a room that could accommodate him and me. By this time he had also been hooked up to an IV and was being pumped full of saline, antibiotics and pain killers. The following three days involved medication, nebulizing and Physio. Food wasn't an issue as he had completely lost his appetite and only managed a few apples and some cereal.

I really take my hat off to Nick. His whole world was turned upside down and he just went with the flow. The Nebulizer did cause a little bit of stress, however, we made a plan and added in some scaffolding when necessary. He was in hospital for three nights and I spent the majority of time with him, including the nights. That dodgy green Lazyboy was my bed!

I think that our saving grace was the fact that Nick was so calm, which in turn kept my feelings on an even keel (or perhaps it was the other way around). There was no rush or drama. We followed the lead of the hospital staff, and they in turn also took guidance from me.

Nick's resilience continues to amaze me.

Onward and upward!

Traveling with an autistic teen!

We did it. We did it. We did it!

Our family went away for the weekend. All four of us.

Nick was a superstar. He cruised through the whole airport and plane experience. He didn't utter a murmur over the fact that he had to share a room with his brother AND sleep in a single bed.

We took him here, there and everywhere.

He was flexible, resilient and extremely chilled.

The only time he got a bit antsy was during a long walk, up a steep hill, that involved many steps.... and it started to rain!

This is Nick's, "I have had enough", face!

Our weekend did not revolve around Nick, although we did make a plan to give him supper at our accommodation before heading out to a restaurant. We also ensured that he got some down time.

The joy of being able to have a *regular* family weekend away without any hassles is indescribable.

A huge achievement.

~*~

Water Wise!

Out of the blue, Nick picked up my glass of water and drank it! He only drinks juice (very diluted with water) so he must have been really thirsty to blow caution to the wind and gulp down the whole lot!

It got me thinking..... 

Time to get this boy drinking water.

What would happen to him if he ever found himself alone without anyone to guide him?

Would he actually go to the tap and pour himself a glass of water?

*Aha*

The perfect activity for an RDI planned engagement!

Drinking Water!

#ONE

When planning my framework, I decided to use declarative language to invite Nick to respond. For example: I would say something along the lines of: "we need two cups, one for me and one for you". 

Note: Nick is very comfortable with his role of collecting the cups, therefore the start of our activity is relaxed and Nick feels competent. 

#TWO

I also decided on our roles, as in, who would do what. For example; I would put water into my cup and then Nick would put water into his cup. This part of the engagement would be Nick's *plus one*, as he finds it difficult to judge how much water to put into the cup.

Note: Nick handled the challenge well, although he still filled up the cup. I made sure to spotlight the difference between the amounts of water in each cup. This is a work in progress. 

#THREE

For the third part of our framework I decided that it would be a great idea to drink our water *together*. I chose a reciprocal pattern and Nick had to observe me and coordinate his actions with mine. 

Note: Nick is a little bothered. He can easily match his actions with mine; however, in this case I know that he really wasn't keen on drinking the water. I am thrilled that he stayed with me and it is wonderful to see his resilience.

~~*~~

Note to self:

Plan a framework around an activity.

Designate roles and role actions

Be mindful about communication methods

Start off with a familiar action that Nick feels competent with

Add in a small challenge

Spotlight the challenge before it happens

Spotlight the challenge after it has happened

Assess the situation. Has Nick reached his limit (edge plus one) or can we carry on for another step?

Taking our time!

"I need two oranges to make your juice"

It is 6:30am on a Monday morning. We are walking into the kitchen in order to have breakfast before heading off to school.

Nick immediately goes to the small CD player and turns on his music. Katy Perry is singing 'Roar', as she always does whenever Nick turns on the CD. Should she not be on the play list, Nick searches until he hears her voice. All I can say is, thank goodness he is over his Britney phase!

I potter around the kitchen, giving Nick time to respond to my initial comment, ("I need two oranges to make your juice").

I get sidetracked as I make myself a cup of tea (weak, black and no sugar). I turn to look at Nick who is doing a little jiggle, dancing along to Katy. As I start to say, "hmmm, I wonder if Nick has remembered the oranges"... I turn towards the juicer and notice that the oranges are already there, just waiting for me!

Big grin ~ there is NOTHING like the power of the pause!

I collect the carving knife and go to stand near the bench on which the juicer sits. I wait. Nick is absorbed in his music. I clear my throat.

Nick looks to me...... so I hold up an orange for him to see. I wait.

He realises that he has a role to play and comes to join me.

I cut the oranges into halves and then pause. Nick picks up one half and places it onto the juicer and holds it there. A few months back he was too scared to go near the juicer.

I  love the concept, *edge plus one*. I take Nick to the edge of his competence and then another tiny challenging step. Slowly but surely he is making progress.

Together we finish squeezing the oranges. With a puzzled expression on my face, I look around for the glass. Nick follows my eye gaze from the juicer to the bench. He realises what is missing and goes to collect a glass from the cupboard.

Oh the joy of my child referencing my face and body language for information.

"Nice one, Nick. We made the orange juice together and you realised that we needed a glass"


Note to self:

Use language that invites a response.

Pause and wait... and then wait some more.

Always keep in mind the concept, *edge plus one*.

Stop talking so much; also communicate using facial expressions and body language.

Give my child many opportunities to *think for himself*

Spotlight success.

~*~

This weekend, for the very first time, Nick asked me to take him to the end of the jetty. Huge!

On a mission!

I am on a mission to get my boy healthy. Nick's diet is absolutely horrendous and it has given me many a grey hair over the years. His issues are a combination of sensory sensitivities, his lack of confidence at trying new things and the regular food patterns that he has created and refuses to deviate from.

For sure, he is reasonably healthy, although I don't like the look of the dark circles under his eyes and the dullness of his skin. I won't bore you with the other problems that crop up!

In order to move forward, I realise that I need to guide Nick very slowly, one tiny step at a time. I cannot introduce a new food and expect him to eat it without any hassle. I have tried ~ it didn't work. I have given up on the idea of *hiding* the good stuff in his regular food. I tried ~ it didn't work. As for bribery ~ don't even go there!

For the last few months I have been offering Nick a *smell* of different foods. At first he was resistant, however, over time he has become a lot more comfortable with putting his nose close to food. I will continue to do this and also start inviting him to place various pieces of food on his lip.

Not so long ago, the ladies at school mentioned to me that one of the other children didn't want their juice, so it was offered to Nick, without any pressure for him to try it. Everyone was blown away when he actually drank the juice! He has also rediscovered a taste for milkshakes!

This became my starting point. If Nick was becoming flexible with trying different drinks, then I could do something about it at home AND keep it healthy. I also felt that Nick needed to be involved in the whole process and I wanted him to be aware of exactly what was happening, what he was doing and what was going in his mouth.

Oranges, carrot and blueberries

The easiest way for me to approach the whole juice *thing* was to look at it from an RDI angle. I have the words 'edge plus one' imprinted in my brain and I continuously remind myself to look at Nick's edge of competence (regardless of what we are doing) and ask myself, what is his 'plus one'. This is how we continue to progress.

Over the last few weeks I have planned many activities revolving around the making of juice. As always, I decide on our roles and then start each activity with something that Nick feels comfortable with before adding in the challenge (plus one). We have a really solid guiding relationship in place; therefore Nick trusts me and is happy to be guided. I in turn continue to be mindful about giving him opportunities to *think* for himself. I don't want to do everything for him. I want him to make his own discoveries (with scaffolding if necessary!).

Our planned activities included;

Shopping for the oranges
Unpacking the oranges into the fridge
Introduction to an orange squeezer
Collecting items needed to make freshly squeezed orange juice
Using the orange squeezer
Pouring the juice
Drinking the juice (initially we each had our own glass)
Cleaning up after juicing (items in the sink, rubbish in the bin, wiping the bench)
Introduction of a carrot and a big ol' mean juicer machine
Placing small pieces of carrot into the juicer
(Nick hates the noise so he heads off to the sofa and tells me when to "Go")
Introduction of blueberries and taking turns to place them into the big 'ol mean juicer
Introduction of pear ~ yuk, Nick didn't like this one!

Nick being brave and turning on the mean ol' juicer ~ we will give that one a miss for a while! :)

Introduction of apple, taking turns to cut and place in the juicer

An RDI planned engagement

Cheers!

What a good mother!!

Sigh, I am not so good at being a mum who supplies ready baked cookies for school lunch boxes! In fact I am down right useless! Nick doesn't eat any type of biscuit or cake, which is a bit of a bonus considering his really bad diet! The other kid of mine will munch his way through anything and he often throws me a little line that makes my mother guilt rise to the surface! 

I eyed up the three very over ripe bananas that had been sitting on the bench for the last few days. Bleurgh, no way would they be eaten and it would be a waste to throw them out! Time to make a plan (and appease my guilt!)

I haven't done much with Nick over the last few days as the poor kid has been a bit under the weather with a head cold. However, he did perk up today so I took advantage of this and wrote up four (yes, four!) planned engagements for us to do together. All easy stuff with a hint of a challenge!

#1. First up, I chatted to Nick about a shopping list. I suggested an item that we needed to buy and he then typed the word using his Lightwriter. The challenge for him was to wait for me to acknowledge the word that he had typed and then WAIT for me to write it down on a piece of paper. The waiting is hard for Nick as he tends to type a word and then quickly erase it! The challenge was successful, although I did keep the engagement short and only focused on five words (without being too bothered with the spelling).

Hah, Nick can spell 'butter'.... I never knew! :)

#2  With shopping list in hand, we then headed off to the supermarket for our next planned engagement. Grocery shopping is a breeze for Nick, although of late I have been a bit slack about adding variation to our little routines. Usually I will pass an item to Nick and he will put it in the trolley, however, this time he needed to be aware of what I was saying and where I was looking, in order to choose the correct item and then GIVE it to me! 

#3 Fast forward to later in the day. We needed to peel the bananas to add to the other ingredients and the video clip below shows how we went about this.  




#4  Last but not least, we then had to remove the cooked Banana Bread from the baking tin and then peel off the paper. Nick has never done this before and he was an absolute champ, although he wasn't too keen on the *feel* of the greasy paper! 

So, there you have it. Four planned engagements that were very simple and just enough of a challenge in order for Nick to learn further. Four opportunities for me to practice guiding my boy to *think* for himself. And one freshly baked Banana Bread for my first born!! 

~*~

I read this short ARTICLE today and wanted to share it for those of you who are interested in learning further about RDI. 

Kitchen Classic!

I haven't been doing many planned engagements with Nick over the last two weeks. We have been cruising through the days, doing the same activities that Nick knows well and is comfortable with. I have been mindful about giving him opportunities to *think for himself*, however, I haven't set up any little challenges for him. I haven't taken into account the *'edge plus one' concept.

This is where the importance of having a plan in place really makes a difference. Nick needs planned engagements in order to progress. I need to put thought into framing an activity that ensures I am addressing 'edge plus one'. I also need to be very aware of how I am going to guide him. I don't want to *tell* him what to do as my wish is to provide him with the opportunity to *discover* and learn from his experiences.

When writing up a framework for my chosen activity, I ask myself the following...

What is my objective for the activity?
What are our roles throughout the activity?
What style of language am I going to use to ensure that Nick *thinks for himself*? 
What do I think Nick's edge of competence is?
What do I have in mind to ensure that he goes that extra step?

Note: When engaging with Nick, I continually ask myself, "is Nick operating on a conscious level?" Generally, when I see that he has *switched off*, I will pause and wait for him to reconnect.

This will all sound familiar if you have read, It's not about the carrot!

Anyhow, I thought I would share some video footage of an activity that we did a couple of days ago. Please remember that what we are doing and how I approach each situation is my own interpretation of what I am learning as we go through the RDI program. 

Funnily enough this is another kitchen activity, a place where we both feel very comfortable and relaxed. We are revisiting a familiar cooking activity and it is one that I know Nick feels competent with. I decided that I was going to bring in the challenge of using large tongs (Nick has used these once before, however, he needs more practice). Nick's challenge/plus one was to use the tongs to pick up and transfer each chicken piece over to the pan on the stove. 

I purposely cut the chicken up slowly, piece by piece in order to slow down the activity and really make it more meaningful. Due to the distance between the counter and stove, Nick was going to have to concentrate and apply enough pressure to the tongs to hold the chicken in place!

There are two things that I really like about the clip below (Kitchen one). Nick really perseveres with the task at hand and his resilience is shining through. I like that I spotlight what is happening so that Nick is hearing my thoughts as well as seeing what is unfolding before him. 

Just for interest sake ~ when we first started RDI, Nick was only able to tolerate 10 seconds of actually being with me!

I start off this second clip (Kitchen two) with my eyes closed. Nick was getting a bit stimmy and distracted. He kept wanted to touch my face and also put his face close to mine (note to self: the kid needs some deep pressure around the jaw line!). Throughout the activity I was trying to think of ways to slow him down a bit and encourage him to leave my face alone!! I don't know where the idea came from but I decided to close my eyes and see what happened. My plan was successful and Nick actually became more engaged.

Just for interest sake ~ our dogs were in the kitchen, however, they were fast asleep. What a luck!

The clip below (Kitchen three) shows that Nick has discovered how to manipulate the tongs to hold the piece of chicken. I purposely spotlight his success.

We are nearing the end of our planned engagement (Kitchen four). Although Nick is very engaged, I can feel that he has just about reached his limit with this particular activity. However, I just want to push him a tiny bit further in order to finish the cycle off placing the chicken in the pan. I took care to spotlight that Nick was able to pick up the chicken and put it in the pan. We end on success!

So, there you have it. A lovely planned engagement with Nick. He was connected, referenced me for information and wasn't stressed when something didn't work out as planned, He was thinking on a conscious level and at times actually seemed to enjoy spending time with his mum. I think that he did great! :)

As for me, I am happy with myself that I took it slow and ensured that I paused a lot, in order to give both me and Nick some thinking time. I provided scaffolding when necessary and also stepped back when I thought Nick needed a little push. I feel that I am getting better at speaking my thoughts and spotlighting important moments.

Nick also figured out how to use the tongs ~ win, win!

Feel free to comment or ask me any questions!

Power of the pause..

I have been guiding Nick on how to make his own toast.

Yes, I know that he is nearly 14 and I should have done this years ago! 

Pah, such is life!

I have chosen to guide him the RDI way.

For sure, it would be a lot easier for me to tell him what to do....

"Hey, Nick!"

1. Get the bread from the cupboard and the butter from the fridge

2. Open the packet

3. Take out a slice of bread and put it in the toaster

4. Take out another slice of bread and put it in the toaster.

5. Turn on the toaster

6. Wait for the bread to toast

7. Take the bread out of the toaster

8.  Butter the toast

9. Cut the toast

No problem, he could do this as easy as pie (except butter the toast).

HOWEVER, would he be thinking about what he is doing? Would he be planning his next step? What if he dropped a piece on the floor and it was quickly snapped up by the dog? Would he be able to make his toast independently without any prompts? 

Hence, I chose to guide him the RDI way, to encourage him to think for himself, to make his own decisions and to also learn from his mistakes.

I decided to take each step of the process slowly and at Nick's pace, although always being mindful about giving him a little challenge... taking that one extra step past his level of competence. We have been doing great and after a few days we have reached the *butter the toast* stage. 

I must share with you that we hit a little bump in the process... around Number 6. As in, we had to wait for the toast to cook! Young Nick is not really used to hanging around while the toast is cooking. He generally races over to the stereo and turns on his music. He then grabs some magazines, plonks himself down on the couch and flips through the mags as he listens to the music!

This time his old mum (that's me!) put a spanner in his spokes. As the toaster was turned on, he indicated that he was going to turn on the music. I didn't say, "no". I didn't say, "stay here". I said, "I am waiting for the toast to cook!". Well, would you believe it, he decided to stay with me!

He didn't find it easy to hang around the toaster and during that very first attempt of *waiting for the toast to cook*, he did hop around a bit and get a little stressed. I made the occasional declarative comment...."the toast is cooking", "the toast is nearly ready". At no time did I tell him to, "stay". 

Voilà, sure enough, Nick was still there when the toast popped. His choice! :)

It was a challenge for him..... it was his edge plus one.

Fast forward a couple of days and we reach the reason for this blog post. 

Waiting for the toast to cook was no longer a challenge for Nick. He felt competent with waiting. He knew that I wasn't going to push him too far beyond his level of competence and he was also in tune with the comments that I made every now and then. 

How did I fill in that gap, the waiting period?

I paused......

Lovely things happen when I pause.

Special things that make the activity much more about the engagement than the actual cooking of the toast. 

It's a win win, really...

A wonderful opportunity to engage with each other.

And then, yummy toast at the end!

RDI ~ framework orange!

My hub's loves his daily glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. Nick also used to drink it, although for some strange reason, now refuses to have even a tiny sip! Bit of a shame really, considering that Nick has had a bad head cold this week and he would have benefited from the extra vitamin C. Anyhow, such is life!

We have been a bit slack this week. Let's face it, who wants to put in the extra effort of *doing stuff* when feeling awful! It is now the weekend and we are nearly ready to get back on track with our latest RDI assignment. For the next couple of days I just want to spend time easing Nick back into some nice co-regulatory activities and throw him a little curve ball here and there for that extra challenge.

Reminder: Two years ago he would refuse to interact with me in any way at all, unless it was to do something that he wanted me to do!

Back to the oranges!

I have had a small bag of oranges sitting on the kitchen counter for the last few days. Bit of an experiment really..... as in, who would put them away!! In the end I could take it no more and decided to take advantage of the opportunity and write up a framework plan using the oranges as an activity for a planned engagement.

As in all interactions with Nick, I ensure that we both have a role to play. There are a variety of role actions to choose from and I decided on a contingency pattern ~ this is where I take a turn and then Nick takes a different turn. Therefore, for this particular framework, I would take an orange out of the bag and then hand it to Nick. He would then put the orange into the fridge.

My goal was to add some variations to this established co-regulatory pattern. Firstly, I would pass him a few oranges, one by one. Then I would throw him a few oranges, one by one (throw the oranges towards him and then add variations by throwing up, right and left). I also planned to give him the empty bag and observe to see what he would do with it. The challenge for Nick was to adjust to the changes in variation. 

Reminder: Two years ago, it was extremely difficult for Nick to participate in any set up activity that also involved me. He would get very stressed if he felt that any demand was being placed on him. (Note: when we first started with planned engagements, each activity lasted for only a few seconds). Nowadays, time is not such a big issue, although I am very aware of how far I can challenge him, taking into account the *edge plus one* concept.

Another important factor to consider is making sure that there are no distractions. This means turning off all electronics and/or removing interests that do not involve other people. In this case, it means turning off the stereo, sending the dogs outside and asking Thomas to give us some space.

When writing up the framework, I also put thought into establishing some activity limits. When would I end the engagement? If Nick became stressed, what would I do? Should he indicate that he had had enough, how would I react? Would I just push him that one little extra step so that the activity was finished on my terms, not his? In this case I felt confident that Nick would cope with the activity, even with the extra challenges. Therefore, I decided to end the activity after the bag had been disposed of. I also decided that should Nick show signs of going beyond his level of competence, I would smile my way through any protesting and move on for a couple more *seconds* and then end the activity.

In all of my interactions with Nick, I am mindful about my communication methods and giving him the opportunity to think for himself. When writing up a framework I always establish what style of language I want to use. Do I want it to be a non verbal activity where Nick will need to read my facial expression and body language for information? What declarative phrases can I use to suggest to Nick what may happen/what can be done? What can I say to spotlight a successful moment? With any style of communication that I use, the emphasis is on guiding Nick to hear and/or see what is happening, process the information and then make his own decisions.

One of the most important points that I need to remember, is that the activity is only a prop. My ultimate goal is engagement with my son. The framework is all about what I need to do in order to guide Nick. If it doesn't work out as planned, then I will reflect on what we have done, learn from the experience and then write up a new plan. If all goes well, then I will think about our next step. It's a great habit to get into: Take Nick to his edge of competence and then one more step. And then again... always moving forward.

In order to remain focused it is helpful to choose a mantra for each framework. My mantra for this particular framework is;  Remember to pause, remember to pause.....