April ~ Day Twenty Seven

Have you ever gone non-verbal? To clarify, I am talking about communication without speech/the spoken word. Being non-verbal means relying on other avenues of communication.... facial expressions, eye gaze, body language, position of body, shrugs, noises, gestures.

With this in mind I wrote up a new framework for an activity we did the other day. My goal for this activity was to focus on non-verbal communication, joint attention and co-regulatory patterns.


Activity:

Unstacking the dishwasher (again!)


Roles:

I pass a plate to Nick.
Nick puts it on the counter
x3

We swap roles
Nick passes me an item
I put it on the counter
x3

We swap roles
I pass Nick a cup
He puts it in the cupboard
x3

We carry on in this manner until the dishwasher has been emptied.

Note:  Nick's edge+1 will be the continuous changing of roles.


Limits:

No distractions... doors closed to keep out the dogs! Aim to have an empty dishwasher. Do not use speech.


Communication:

No speech. Use facial expressions, noises, body language, gestures. When changing roles, move my body to a new place to communicate the new role. Slow down and wait for Nick to pick up on my non-verbal cues. Relax and go with the flow.


What happened:

If only I had filmed this! We coordinated our movements beautifully. After handing Nick the three items, I stopped in my tracks and then deliberately moved my body so that I was standing away from the dishwasher and closer to the bench. He immediately picked up on this cue and took on his new role. We continually referenced each other for information and adjusted what we were doing as we went along. Our engagement was a wonderful example of what can be achieved without speech. The joint attention was WOW and I am so thrilled that our simple activity turned into a successful little dance between the two of us.

Flowers are more interesting than pots and pans!

RDI ~ framework orange!

My hub's loves his daily glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. Nick also used to drink it, although for some strange reason, now refuses to have even a tiny sip! Bit of a shame really, considering that Nick has had a bad head cold this week and he would have benefited from the extra vitamin C. Anyhow, such is life!

We have been a bit slack this week. Let's face it, who wants to put in the extra effort of *doing stuff* when feeling awful! It is now the weekend and we are nearly ready to get back on track with our latest RDI assignment. For the next couple of days I just want to spend time easing Nick back into some nice co-regulatory activities and throw him a little curve ball here and there for that extra challenge.

Reminder: Two years ago he would refuse to interact with me in any way at all, unless it was to do something that he wanted me to do!

Back to the oranges!

I have had a small bag of oranges sitting on the kitchen counter for the last few days. Bit of an experiment really..... as in, who would put them away!! In the end I could take it no more and decided to take advantage of the opportunity and write up a framework plan using the oranges as an activity for a planned engagement.

As in all interactions with Nick, I ensure that we both have a role to play. There are a variety of role actions to choose from and I decided on a contingency pattern ~ this is where I take a turn and then Nick takes a different turn. Therefore, for this particular framework, I would take an orange out of the bag and then hand it to Nick. He would then put the orange into the fridge.

My goal was to add some variations to this established co-regulatory pattern. Firstly, I would pass him a few oranges, one by one. Then I would throw him a few oranges, one by one (throw the oranges towards him and then add variations by throwing up, right and left). I also planned to give him the empty bag and observe to see what he would do with it. The challenge for Nick was to adjust to the changes in variation. 

Reminder: Two years ago, it was extremely difficult for Nick to participate in any set up activity that also involved me. He would get very stressed if he felt that any demand was being placed on him. (Note: when we first started with planned engagements, each activity lasted for only a few seconds). Nowadays, time is not such a big issue, although I am very aware of how far I can challenge him, taking into account the *edge plus one* concept.

Another important factor to consider is making sure that there are no distractions. This means turning off all electronics and/or removing interests that do not involve other people. In this case, it means turning off the stereo, sending the dogs outside and asking Thomas to give us some space.

When writing up the framework, I also put thought into establishing some activity limits. When would I end the engagement? If Nick became stressed, what would I do? Should he indicate that he had had enough, how would I react? Would I just push him that one little extra step so that the activity was finished on my terms, not his? In this case I felt confident that Nick would cope with the activity, even with the extra challenges. Therefore, I decided to end the activity after the bag had been disposed of. I also decided that should Nick show signs of going beyond his level of competence, I would smile my way through any protesting and move on for a couple more *seconds* and then end the activity.

In all of my interactions with Nick, I am mindful about my communication methods and giving him the opportunity to think for himself. When writing up a framework I always establish what style of language I want to use. Do I want it to be a non verbal activity where Nick will need to read my facial expression and body language for information? What declarative phrases can I use to suggest to Nick what may happen/what can be done? What can I say to spotlight a successful moment? With any style of communication that I use, the emphasis is on guiding Nick to hear and/or see what is happening, process the information and then make his own decisions.

One of the most important points that I need to remember, is that the activity is only a prop. My ultimate goal is engagement with my son. The framework is all about what I need to do in order to guide Nick. If it doesn't work out as planned, then I will reflect on what we have done, learn from the experience and then write up a new plan. If all goes well, then I will think about our next step. It's a great habit to get into: Take Nick to his edge of competence and then one more step. And then again... always moving forward.

In order to remain focused it is helpful to choose a mantra for each framework. My mantra for this particular framework is;  Remember to pause, remember to pause.....

RDI ~ on the fly!

Being an RDI mum means that I journal a lot. It might be a nebulous little paragraph, perhaps a long story or even a photograph. Regardless of what I may write, it is certainly a great way to reflect and to keep track of our progress. 

The following is my latest journal entry.

It's been one of those slack days! The type of day that involves being a taxi mum and a dog walker. The hours in this type of day just fly by so quickly and before I know it, the day is over and I have put very little effort into *planned engagements* with Nick. Life happens and sometimes it is just best to go with it!

Anyhow, as I was on the way to the beach with boy and dog in tow, I was thinking away to myself (whilst driving very carefully!)... what could I do with Nick that would be productive, a learning experience and encourage a meaningful interaction! Ho hum, I started thinking about our latest RDI objective and how I have been incorporating the concept of easy and hard, whilst making juice and regulating the water flow from a tap. 

Water! Dog!  That's it..... when we get to the beach we can give the dog a drink of water. In my car I have an old ice-cream container and an old juice bottle full of water. I think of different scenarios to spotlight that what we are doing is *easy*. Generally, when we get to the beach, Nick takes off his shoes and stands there waiting for me to get organised. I wondered how he would react when I invited him to help me. I decided that Nick's role would be that of holding the container while I poured the water into it. He could then put the container on the ground! Yay, success! Nick responded to my invitation to help and he found the experience very easy. I spoke about how *easy* it was and then we all traipsed onto the beach. Okay... to tell the truth, Nick tentatively put one foot in front of the other and the dog immediately started sniffing the ground and munching on all sorts of delights (think the dog is going to feel very sorry for himself later!).

As the dog continued to explore his territory and Nick plonks himself down on the nearest log, I start thinking about what we have just done and mull over my next step. Hmm, I now need to spotlight that what we are doing is harder than what we did before. Again, I ponder over this... if we were to swap roles, how was Nick going to cope with taking the lid off the juice bottle and pouring the water into the container. Let's face it, his motor planning is not the best! In the end, I thought "why not".... this would actually be the perfect example for *hard*.

As we walk back to the car, I talk about the dog and how he will need some water, especially after eating that very dodgy fish head! Nick doesn't give me any indication that he has heard me, although when we reach the car, Nick went to collect the container (that I had left under the car). Nice one, Nick! 

Oops, no water! I take the juice bottle out of the car and give it to Nick. I then take the container and wait. I don't say anything as I want Nick to reference me for information. I want to see if he can decide what the next course of action is. I don't want to prompt him in any way! 

Nick turns the bottle upside down, over the container! Nothing happens, so I say, "ah, no water!". He pauses then decides to pull up the nozzle of the juice bottle. Still no water. Now it would be very easy for me to tell him what to do, BUT, I want him to figure it out for himself. Again, he pulls out the nozzle a bit more and then holds the bottle over the container.. nothing happens. (Nick doesn't realise that he can squeeze the bottle). I wait patiently, giving him the time to think about his next plan of action. I spotlight "oh no, this is hard to do". He realizes that the water isn't coming out and he stops. Within a few seconds, he has turned the bottle upright, taken off the lid and poured the water into the container! Fantastic, I am delighted that he has figured it out for himself. He did find it hard, however, he persevered and he was successful.

Yay, go Nick! 

Another nice memory to store in the bank.

As for me.... my mind is onto the next challenge. How can I extend on what we have done? Was there something I noticed during the interaction? What activity can I plan to emphasis the difference between easy and hard? What framework can I write up for a really effective *engagement*. 

Aha, Nick didn't know that he could squeeze the bottle to get the water to come out. There we have it, our next goal. This one will not be done *on the fly*. I will be writing up a framework sheet for a planned engagement.

Now, this is why I like spontaneous interactions. As we go about our day to day business, an opportunity may occur that I can take advantage of. I do put a lot of thought into what I want to achieve, I just don't write up a framework sheet. I like the fact that our informal interactions open up possibilities and give me food for thought.

Upwards and onwards!

Oh boy!

Let me tell you this....... Relationship Development Intervention is not a walk in the park! It is not as easy as it sounds!


When people ask me to tell them about it.......
I generally say;
It is about building the guide/apprentice relationship (i.e. me and Nick, mother and son)
It is about me learning how to be an effective guide (believe me, I really need this!)
It is about going over the developmental stages that Nick has missed out on and getting him back on track (oh s**t, this is going to take a long time!)
It is about the interaction between us!
It is about me giving Nick to the opportunity to 'think for himself'
It is about DYNAMIC THINKING!
(This just the tip of the iceberg!)


Sounds easy, right???


I didn't need to think about any of this with Thomas when he was a wee boy..... and we still have an easy flow to our relationship (except when I am yelling at him for not organising his soccer kit the night before and now his dad is waiting in the car and they are going to be late for collecting Oliver and getting to the school bus before it leaves blah blah blah!!!).  All 'normal' stuff! :)


Back to Nick....... we have been working on 'US', however, I am really battling with...... 
"Instead you should feel that there was a connection, a moment where there was nothing in the way, just pure connection". 
This is really hard!  Nick is great at staying with me and interacting with me........
BUT it is really hard to get that "pure connection".



Thankfully, I have someone to guide me! 


If you are interested in learning a bit more about; 
Reaching your child
Experience the Experience
Anticipate you’re actions/reactions to guide your child
Collaborate interactions in your day
Helping your child to communicate without words
You can check out this Cheat Sheet!.

MY KIDS!

~*~