The importance of NOT doing!

I was in the middle of an interview with a really sweet young woman (let's call her Emma). Nick was present and seemed very taken with her. At one point he interrupted our conversation to request some help retrieving an item from the fridge.

Emma jumped up from her chair and went over to the fridge. She then proceeded to 'do' everything for Nick. She repeatedly asked him questions and when there was no immediate response from Nick, she made up her own mind on what he would like. At no point did she pause her action and wait for Nick. There was no space given between a question and her next response.

Obviously, Emma realized that Nick was an intellectually challenged young man and unfortunately she assumed that he was unable to fend for himself. It is only natural that she put herself into a caring role and wanted to help him. However, Emma didn't realise that by removing the challenge Nick was facing, she was actually disempowering him. He quickly became passive and stood back from the fridge, waiting to see what would happen.

I intervened by saying..... "Don't worry, Emma. Nick can figure it out"

Emma stepped back and Nick rushed over to the fridge. He rummaged around to find what he wanted and removed it from the fridge.

I see this type of scenario again and again. Children who need extra processing time don't get it. Children who are given too many commands and not enough opportunity to process/think for themselves. Adults over compensating when children don't react fast enough. Adults doing the 'thinking' for the child. Children not being offered the chance to experience self-made success or even failure.

I do understand that people want to help and make life easier for our children. However, in order to empower our children, we need to........ "Learn to provide opportunities for children to think, decide and wonder".

Screen shot from Dr Gutstein's introduction to the RDI Program

Part 111, Stages 1 & 2

My Nick has many challenges and the severity of his disability means that he will need lifelong care. Nevertheless he continues to be empowered because I am aware of the importance of NOT doing everything for him.

Taking a break

A couple of months back I started to panic over the busyness of 2015. There seemed to be too much on my plate and not enough hours in the day. I was battling to give Nick as much time as I wanted and that lack of time was going to get worse.

I was finding it stressful to think about RDI engagements with Nick. I felt tense when planning how to implement the engagements, record them on video and then journal my reflections. I decided that it was time to sit back and really think about how I was feeling and do something about it.

What stood out for me whilst working my way through my feelings of angst was the fact that the RDI program does not only focus on my child and his development. RDI is also about mindful parenting, families, friends, relationships, myself, finding a balance and living life to the fullest. It was with this in mind that encouraged me to make the decision to take a break. I needed time out. It was important for me to pause and catch my breath.

The beauty of being a veteran RDI mum is that I know how to 'live the lifestyle' and that my relationship with Nick will not be compromised by putting the more formal side of RDI on hold. I am still going to be that 'declarative' mum who has the concept 'edge plus one' firmly stamped on her forehead. I am a 'go slow' woman who is very aware of giving Nick plenty of time to think for himself. In order to keep our consultant up to date, I will continue with my daily sporadic journal entries on day to day stuff. So lovely to know that she has our back, even though we will be on a break until the 1st of November, 2015.

It is all about achieving a healthy balance, therefore I am giving myself permission to take that break and embrace what the next few months have to offer. Lots of exciting happenings on the horizon and I can't wait to experience them, along with Nick. Hint, hint. An awesome family gathering here in South Africa. Also a little holiday that includes Nick. Watch this space!