Stressing, stressing and more stressing....

My boy uses the toilet independently...... almost! He still needs assistance and at this stage we are taking turns to clean up (if you catch my drift!). Sometime during the last few days I noticed him wince when it was my turn to wipe him. I thought it was a bit odd, but I let it go and put it down to me wiping too hard. Roll onto bath time that night and he was resistant to me washing him down there!  Anyway, with a little bit of gentle encouragement I went to wash him, however, as I moved my hand over his bum I got the fright of my life. He had a lump, an extremely large firm lump!

After my initial panic, I came to the conclusion that my boy has a hemorrhoid. So, off I went to the Pharmacy to buy some ointment and also some magic powder to help ease any constipation (his diet has changed over the last two weeks!). The boy has been incredible in that he willingly lets me apply the ointment. He also watches me sprinkle the powder into his breakfast cereal and will eat without any fuss. 

This has been going on for a few days, however, I haven't noticed any improvement with the lump. In fact the lump is exactly the same. Now I am stressing........ the worst case scenario keeps flashing through my mind, which of course is ridiculous!!!! I know that I need to make a Doctor's appointment for him. I know that the Doctor is going to need to take a look. Oh boy, not too sure what to do about that one ~ will cross that bridge when we get to it!

What is really choking me up is the fact that my child is so vulnerable. His innocence and naivety break my heart. 
Why? Because he needs me. 
Why? Because if anything were to happen to him, it would kill me.......

Time out is good..... right?

As the parent of a child with special needs, I am very aware that caring for my child is extremely time consuming. It can be stressful, monotonous, emotionally taxing and down right exhausting. The journey that I travel with my child affects my family life, my relationship with each member of my family and the way in which we manage our days, weeks and years.

In order for me to maintain a balance in my life, I need to have some time out! Not just for me but also for my husband and teenager. We miss out on a lot due to our situation. Our life revolves around our boy with special needs and we are limited in what we can do with him. Although my typically developing teenager is pretty well adjusted, he also misses out on having a regular family life! It is extremely important to me to be able to spend some time with my teenager. We really need to have time to be a regular family doing regular things!! By regular I mean....... having the freedom to do as we please, go where we want and be as we wish!

This past weekend has been spent away from my boy. It has been about *time out*. We have spent time doing all the things that are not generally possible and it has been wonderful. Last night we went *out*..... eight adults and seven kids! The restaurant was crowded, noisy and a sensory overload. We ate, drank, sang loudly and had a bit of a dance! OK, I had a bit of a dance and the teenagers raised their eyebrows and sniggered behind their cell phones! We left just before midnight amidst lots of laughter and plans for the next day. 

I thought of my boy during the evening. I observed everyone around me, the chatting, laughing and the general too and fro of people having a great time. I thought of my boy and I found myself feeling incredibly sad that he wasn't there; and that he will never be able to cope in such a situation. Because of his disability, my son will never get to experience the magic of life. He won't get to talk and laugh and flirt with girls. He won't feel the sudden spontaneous urge to stand up to sing and dance to the music. He won't get to look to the person next to him, behind him, in front of him. He won't catch the eye of his brother across the table and shake his head at his silly mother.... that happy go lucky mother singing loudly and dancing in her old fashioned way!

Oh the joy of being able to be a regular family BUT oh the sadness that a member of our family was missing.....

I have been following Hopeful Parents for many years; and I am proud to say that I have now joined their writers list! And what a wonderful list it is..........

I am thrilled to be rubbing cyber shoulders with some of my favourite people!

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