Being a special needs mum can be a lonely business at times! I recall when Nick was a wee tot and I didn't know ANYONE who had a child with special needs. Also *back then*, our internet options were limited, support groups seemed to be few and far between. It was a very isolating experience, made even tougher due to the utter misery of trying to come to terms with my child's disability. How my marriage survived I don't know! I vividly remember having a glass of wine in my hand and throwing it very hard towards my husband and it smashing on the wall behind him (of course I wasn't really aiming for him!!!). It is easy to laugh now! :)
Today, connecting with other parents is a totally different experience. Keeping in close contact with family members all over the world has changed my life. Gone are the days when I used to write to my Mum and then wait a month before I got a letter in return! Want the long distance cousins to grow up together? Connect them through facebook and YouTube (with careful supervision of course!).
For those of us who want to create awareness of our children with special needs, the internet makes it incredibly easy. Whenever I write a new post, I have in mind the *young mothers*. The mothers who haven't been on this journey for very long. I want them to be aware that life gets better! YES, there is still the odd blue day, however, post a simple sentence on facebook and have your day brightened by the support that is shown. OK, the comments may go a bit off topic and turn into compliments *blush* BUT it is incredibly uplifting to get that support. Oh, how I wish I had this ten years ago!
Mind you, I have been wondering if perhaps, it is all a bit narcissistic sharing my story and posting comments on the internet! "Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration". OK, I am fairly sure that I don't have an inflated sense of my own importance! As for the need for admiration, well sure, it is nice to have people make nice comments! On behalf of all parents of children and adults with special needs, I need to say that there are times we need to call out for positive reinforcement and it helps tremendously to know that we have friends out there who understand what we are going through. Does this make me narcissistic, I hope not!
My facebook post today.......
The joys of having a special needs child??? I can't think of any right now! If you have any positive uplifting *joys* please feel free to post here!! :)
Tobys expressions of joy, love, and enthusiasm, are 100% untainted by any other feeling.
I've learnt to be patient? ... well more patient than I would have been :) and maybe not to have expectations - that way I can be thrilled with any / all accomplishments...
it can be a double edged sword but these kids are genuine when expressing their thoughts and emotions....we just have to get it all out of them, and they have a very funny sense of humour, hope you start to feel uplifted sooner rather than later
The friends you make.....?
And the people who love them!!
The happy times are so much sweeter.
I get to hear, mum I love you so much.....50 times a day :)
The innocence. . . .
I know the lines from Finding Nemo off by heart, and when I say a line to Shaurav I always get the bestest smile... even in the middle of a tantrum!
... they say it (what ever it may be) builds character - OMW & what a character u are! Hang in there Di ♥
Know how you feel - is all I can offer Di...onward we go...oh and then we do have the little breakthroughs...the future is open ended...strength.
Leaky duck session?
Those rare moments where you see a miracle of development happen
BIG hugs - am also having one of those days - bedtime needs to come quickly! Tomorrow is a new day!!!!
Di, I think I'm feeling as bleak as you! Eish!! Not sure if it's this house or the weather!
You've been able to teach us all so much! X
Smile, watch a comedy...it's this dreary weather. x
Di, your are an inspiration to so many. Put today behind you and start a fresh tomorrow, if anyone can get through a tough day its you!
Hang on there. I'm thinking of you. Been there, done that and I know the times will come when the circle will come around again. It does. It's natural. Even we - the parents of kids of special needs are only HUMAN!
keep your chin up Di xxx your an awesome person never forget that xx
Children with autism don't pretend or lie, so you always know you're getting the real deal...that's something special and very hard to find in neurotypical people.
Meet other autism mums
learn loads of truths about the world that 'ordinary' people just don't know
Don't worry Di, u are a awesome mum and person. Just pray to GOD he will guide us and show us the way...when times are hard....
A special needs person teaches you to be humble
Those times when your kid does something you really thought he might never be able to do. Like just hanging out at a restaurant. Or joyously shopping with you. Or doing school work. We never take those things for granted. Hugs.
All of the above............. and let's face life is and will never be boring :) (hugs)
Hope u feeling better xxx
The joy and blessing of the opportunity to be a better, more patient, more self-less, more educated, more involved, more engaged and more connected parent, with all of my children!
Perspective....I would be a very different type of person if my perspectives were not widened by my own children, and our community! Truly *special needs* has taught me ( and us) so much for ALL of our relationships. Isnt it wonderful that now, we can look at a mom and her child, anywhere, and know that there can be so many things happening behind the scenes...This makes us truly understand relationships far more then if we never had this opportunity
Life is unpredicatable, it's little pockets of happiness and moments of beauty that keep you going xox
We all have those days, and apparently parents of typical children sometimes wonder about the joy of having just regular kids too... So this kind of thought occurs to many parents. Remember the joy of feet on sand? I wonder if you would be getting as many comments and support if you didn't have a special needs child?
http://
They teach you more about you than you could ever teach them about anything. Look how much you have learnt....all those pathways of yours that would have otherwise been blocked...You are now very wise and an inspiration to everyone especially those that are only starting the journey.
Life is unpredicatable, it's little pockets of happiness and moments of beauty that keep you going xox
We all have those days, and apparently parents of typical children sometimes wonder about the joy of having just regular kids too... So this kind of thought occurs to many parents. Remember the joy of feet on sand? I wonder if you would be getting as many comments and support if you didn't have a special needs child?
http://
They teach you more about you than you could ever teach them about anything. Look how much you have learnt....all those pathways of yours that would have otherwise been blocked...You are now very wise and an inspiration to everyone especially those that are only starting the journey.
Thank you so much, I appreciate every comment,
you have lifted me up when I was down!
Tomorrow is another day!
xx
P.S. My dear friend who is going to be moving to greener pastures, I am going to miss you BIG time ~ we have been through so much together! Ah well, at least we can keep in touch via the internet!! AND, I am coming to visit! Lots of love xx
I am constantly amazed at the power of the relationships we have been able to form. There's nothing like being able to ask the sticky questions and knowing in the answers you will find some real, useful wisdom.
ReplyDeleteGlad to know you, Di!
:)
Oh Di,u make me cry.Going to miss u big time too.U are such a pillar of support and strength for me and so many others.We are going to have to squeeze in lots of coffee meets before I go and scrabble :) lots after.lots of love and hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteValerie, isn't it wonderful! :D
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, waaaaaaahhhh! xx
I was the same Di. When we got our diagnosis we din't even have a computer in the house! That came later and the facebok support groups later still. Too late for me really. But not too late for me to share my stories and experiences over on my blog in an effort to help the younger mothers behind me! And I'm not narcisstic either! I've shared our journey through mainstream Primary school, how we survived tantrums & homework 'clouds'and I'm now sahring our mew journey... the road to secondary school!
ReplyDeleteI do find as my boy gets older that I can't reveal too much personal stuff. It's a very hard balancing act;-)
xx Jazzy
Jazzy, I wonder if the younger mothers listen to us! ;) I figure, if my blog helps just one person, then that's great! It certainly helps me!!!!
ReplyDeleteYes, you have to be careful about what you share. I don't have a problem with that because Nick is not aware of his differences!
Phew, good luck with secondary school. x
A lovely post Di :) Younger mothers definitely do listen - i regularly follow the advice in @jazzygal's posts because her son is just a year older than mine... But like you both, I had no internet when Smiley was born and there were days when I just sat and cried because I didn't know what to do and had no-one to ask. Things are much better now with the internet xx (over from Love All Blogs)
ReplyDeleteThank you Blue Sky. I love how the internet has pulled us all together :D
Deletei believe that what you are doing is important and essential. you are increasing awareness and sharing your story, you are offering support and hope. you aren't narcissistic by the way : if you are, then i am too because i feel the same - i want to reach out and help people, i believe that this is my role, my path and that i can make a difference... perhaps I'm delusional though...
ReplyDeleteanother great post, di
thank you
Dear ever hopeful mummy
DeleteThank you for your kind kind words.
I guess at the end of the day we are also helping ourselves.. by writing down our thoughts and setting them free.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
I think when your'e in the midst of it all, it overwhelms you and consumes you. It can be difficult to see light at the end of the tunnel. I remember being at an early-bird session, where lots of people were saying by the time their kids were 7 or 8 then things become a bit easier . That gave us some hope but over the next few years it didn't get better for us. With hindsight though, we probably gained so much experience dealing with our sons condition that we are in a good place to try and point others in the right direction.... I think we have a red wine stain on the wall too ;-)
ReplyDeleteHi there bottle (can I call you bottle?) *cheesy grin*
DeleteI quite like the idea of *passing it forward*. You gain something from another person's experience. You then pass on the experience you have gained.... and so on and so on..
From a personal perspective I feel that life does get better, perhaps not because of your child, BUT because of your acceptance of your situation. Does that make sense? :)