A few words....

In a rush and a flurry
The house fills with friends
Talking and laughing
Kids running amok

Crazy puppies
Loving attention
Ball throwing
Again and again

The clink of ice against glass
A cracker dipped 
Into cream cheese and sweet chilli
Mum busy in the kitchen

Hey, where is my boy?
My teenager
Who is autistic
Has autism

He hid away fast
Too many people
Horrible noise
Can't cope, won't cope

Retreated to quiet space
Computer escape
No noise
No people

Oh my boy
So not fair
Life is harsh 
And unkind

I want you with us
I know you cannot
I want to be with you
Sometimes I cannot

It's a circle of emotion
Do I cut myself off
and give you my all
One hundred percent

Do I let you be
So that I can be free
For just a few hours

Your withdrawal
Saddens me
Fills me with guilt
Can I do more?

I see your progress 
Am part of your progress
Such tiny steps forward
but forward all the same

Our visitors don't see it
The progress made
You are not to be seen
and no one goes to see

Special needs is hard
for you
everyone who has

I get tired of the fight
The work
The treadmill
Keep going, keep going

I adore you my boy
But sometimes
I need to escape
Just as you do

I want to be normal
Just a mum
With everyday issues
Not the dread of "what it?"

You are doing so great
But so far behind
A million light years
From the kids today

It is so bloody unfair
And autism is growing
There are more kids like you
More mothers like me

A multitude of issues
Autism and more
A forever concern
For parents alone

I checked on you 
Again and then more
You were happy
But not me

I want you with us
I know you cannot
I want to be with you
Sometimes I cannot


  1. hugs hugs and hugs
    I feel your pain
    Please don't feel guilty - you are a part of your life too - you know

  2. My thoughts exactly Di,you made me cry....wish we had a magic wand to make it easier xxx

  3. Hug. So eloquently said. :-)

  4. Thank you for your comments. The swings and roundabouts of living with special needs!!!

  5. And hugs from me too. Your 'few words' says it all.

    xx Jazzy

    1. Thanks Jazzy. You know what they say.... blogging is cheap therapy! xx


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