Today was going to be a me and Nick kind of day. The other two members of my family had a school function which involved hitting little balls with very long sticks. Their day actually fitted in quite nicely with this post because for my next RDI planning engagement I had decided to work with little balls and very long sticks, namely, whatever balls the dog hadn't chewed to bits and two brooms. *note to self.... Make sure the dog is not in the same room when we are trying out my crazy plan!
I have been a bit slack with my boy this past week. Life happens, right? Therefore, for the sake of today and to make me feel better about my role as Nick's mum, I was going to make a conscious effort to involve him in whatever I was doing in and around the house. Okay, the morning went for a bit of a ball (pun intended!). I received a lovely phone call from my Mum in New Zealand. Don't ask me how long she talked for.. but let me tell you that Nick took full advantage of the fact that I was otherwise engaged. On went that computer and out came his books. At one point he collected up all of his books and went to lie on my bed. He had turned the volume up on the computer and was listening to the disc from afar! My Mum did have a bit of a whinge about the weather (it always rains where she lives!). Anyhow, I thought I would be a nice daughter and provide her with a quick pic of our weather. I can't resist winding her up!
Throughout the course of the day we did manage to have a few interactions. It may look like Nick is brushing his teeth but what the photo doesn't show is that we are taking turns. The same goes for stacking the dishwasher, I placed an item and then he placed an item and so on. We used a simultaneous pattern to cut his apple ~ Nick is battling to co-ordinate his actions with my actions so I need to spend some time on this. We also popped to the shop for some bread and milk. Again, we took turns in carrying the items etc.
I try to be mindful and include Nick in what I am doing. Of course it would be easier to just do my own thing, however, I think that it is important and also a good opportunity to work on and experience engagement with my boy. Unfortunately, Nick was a bit flat today and wasn't really interested or motivated to interact with me. Our chores felt like..... chores! :)
We did have our planned engagement with two brooms and two balls, however, the least said the better on that one. I need to re-think my framework and try again tomorrow!
By 4pm I had cabin fever and was feeling VERY irritated. The best thing to do was load the kid and dog into the car and hit the beach. The dog had a blast, as he is wont to do. It took Nick a good 15 minutes to shake off his sombre mood and thereafter he had a great time. There was one little embarrassing moment.... Nick started to point vigorously at a young woman's chest and I was apologising profusely until I realised that she had a picture of a cat on her t-shirt and Nick was pointing and making the sign for 'cat'.... blush! We had a fantastic walk and stayed out far longer than I had planned. Nick's dinner ended up being later than normal, but so what!
Well, my little... go with the flow, *RDI on the fly* plan didn't go so well today.
Hello, I thought that the following might be of interest to some of you! :)
If you have been following my blog, you will know that I am working on the relationship between myself and Nick. Having a 'connection' with my son is what gets me through the day. I can't just let him be to do his own thing ~ I would end up with a spaced out computer junkie who shows no interest in the people around him! I am also against forcing him to conform to whatever it is that society/Joe Public expects.
"Utmost to me is the fact that I am not interested in 'changing' him, just developing his potential" (I pinched this from Kate because I really loved it!)
In this latest post I have included two video clips. Each clip shows us bouncing on the trampoline, however, there is a huge difference between each clip.
The first clip was an impromptu interaction and the second clip was planned. You will find further information and my reflections after each clip!
Trampoline # 1
1. What was the objective and assignment?
Pause and attention
2. What was the frame for this objective?
Jumping on the trampoline!
3. What was the challenge? The challenge was to jump together. I also wanted to spotlight my pause and see if Nick was able to maintain my pause and my gaze.
4. What did you spotlight?
This activity wasn’t planned, therefore, I hadn’t really thought of what to spotlight.
5. Tell me if the challenge and spotlight were successful, what did you observe?The interaction was not successful. My main objective was for Nick to be comfortable on the trampoline with me ~ I observed that because I didn’t really have a plan in mind of what to do with Nick, he was feeling anxious. Due to his anxiety he wasn't able to maintain gaze with me.... he did pause; however, I felt (and could see) that he was in flight mode!
6. Did anything surprise you? I didn't realise that Nick would switch off so completely. I also thought I would be able to wing it BUT it didn't work! 7. Site one or two (or more if you like!) time codes that you feel are important and state WHY they are important: At 0.24 Nick wanted to hold hands with me and I declined. At 0.28 I bounced and Nick got a fright! I didn't pick up that Nick really needed the extra scaffolding to feel safe and secure! At 0.33 Nick switched off..... this is when I should have ended the interaction! At 1.00 Nick 'complied' with the interaction and this is where I can see that for Nick it was all about the task, not the interaction.
REFLECTIONS!! I have watched the above video clip a number of times! I can see where I am trying to add in pause and attention, however, my lack of planning, my uncertainty with what I was doing and Nick's anxiety did not make for a successful interaction. I know that I wanted Nick to be happy to jump on the trampoline with me, however, all I did was to increase his anxiety ~ I removed scaffolding when he needed it. I kept him on the trampoline for too long. He switched off and really didn't want to be there with me ~ he stayed because he thought it was expected of him!! I am not going to beat myself up over it, however, it certainly makes me more aware that I need to be more mindful of our interactions ~ I need to take the time to plan exactly what I want to do with Nick and ensure that I don't push him too far past his level of competence! I don't want our interactions to be about the task. I want to have the connection with him...... and this clip really showed the lack of connection!
Trampoline # 2
1. What was the objective and assignment?
Pause and attention
2. What was the frame for this objective?
To jump on the trampoline ~ using a simultaneous parallel pattern. Hold hands and jump together. My limit was to jump….pause….jump…pause….jump...
3. What was the challenge?
The challenge was to pause after each jump and see if Nick could maintain the pause and my gaze until he ‘saw/felt’ we were going to jump again.
4. What did you spotlight?
I spotlighted the pause after each jump.... and then spotlighted (using a facial expression) just before we were to jump again!
5. Tell me if the challenge and spotlight were successful, what did you observe?
I felt that both were successful. We held attention nicely and generally Nick waited for me before jumping. He held gaze with me for long periods of time and we were both comfortable with it.
6. Did anything surprise you?
Yes, I wasn't expecting it to be so successful!
7. Site one or two (or more if you like!) time codes that you feel are important and state WHY they are important:
You will see in the video footage that I went onto the trampoline first and I just waited (we got some lovely pause and attention gaze going).
At 0.04 I chanted "I'm bouncing".... this was my invitation to Nick to come and join me! After a bit of 'processing time' he came to me .
At 0.42 you will see me withdraw my hands from Nick - this was because he was trying to pull me off the trampoline - the easiest thing to do was to just step back slightly out of reach!!
At 0.53 I gave Nick my hands.... this time I was very aware that I needed to give some scaffolding!
At 1.01 Beautiful pause and attention
At 1.08 - 1.32 Nick trying to take a bit of control but I just ignored him!
At 1.33 Yay, bouncing together!
At 1.44 more nice pause and attention!
At 1.47 lovely co-regulatory swinging of our arms....
8. What did you do well in this frame? I was pleased to see that I waited for Nick to respond (i.e. waiting for Nick to come from the swing). I used some declarative language to state what I was doing ~ a subtle invitation for him to join me. At one stage Nick tried to take control but I didn’t really respond to his “distractions” and we eventually got back into sync. I was happy with my pauses, perhaps they could have been for longer but in this instance they were 'good enough'. I also like that I initiated a co-regulatory pattern of swinging our arms.... and I was thrilled that Nick went with the flow!
9. Is there anything you would change? Can you find ways to incorporate this objective into more routines?
At this stage I wouldn't change anything! I am always thinking of interactions where I can bring in pause and attention!!
REFLECTIONS!
I went into this interaction fully prepared. I decided to be the first person on the trampoline and to give Nick the choice to join me if he wished! When he tried to pull me off the trampoline I knew that I needed to step back. I wanted to remain the person in control.... but still let him make the final decision to join me. I knew exactly how many times I wanted us to jump together. I was also more aware of the scaffolding that was needed ~ therefore I gave my hands to Nick for him to hold, and that remained a constant. There is one spot in the video that Nick starts to jump first (1.27) and we are slightly out of sync, however, I just waited and then I jumped - which enabled Nick to jump at the same time!
I was really thrilled with the outcome of this interaction. For the most part, we had a lovely co-regulatory pattern going on. There was a lot of nice pause and attention. Nick was feeling competent so he felt very comfortable referencing my face for information. I was feeling competent because I knew what I wanted to achieve! My best moment was towards the end of the video ~ we are just about to get off the trampoline, we are looking at each other and I start swinging my arm...... which starts Nick swinging his arm in sync with mine!
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I think that you will agree ~ planning makes perfect sense!
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P.S. Please excuse any errors! I tend to write my posts at night and then get too tired to check my spelling and punctuation!!!
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