Non-verbal communication

"When Nick was a little boy he showed no interest in looking at my face.  He didn't look to me when I called his name.  He had no understanding of the concept of reading facial expressions and body language.  During those years I did a lot of reading and I came across all sorts of explanations for this. For example; People with autism find it scary to look at a face. People with autism don't see the whole face - only a part of it! In my personal opinion, I do believe that Nick didn't have a problem with looking at me, or any other person for that matter.  He just didn't know WHY he needed to look." My blog post, January 2011.

To help Nick understand the importance of referencing my face and body language for information, I kicked off by using non-verbal communication. I exaggerated my facial expressions. I overplayed the use of my fingers, hands, arms and shoulders. I got down to Nick's level. I gently invaded his body space (touching his knee/arm/hand to get his attention). The sounds coming from my vocal cords were guttural and I used my tongue to click and cluck! A real comedy act, yet one that worked a treat.

Going non-verbal also worked for me. I slowed down my thoughts and reactions and became far more mindful of how I communicated with Nick. I found that I paused more frequently, giving us both the opportunity to think about our responses.

Today:

I am at the kitchen counter. Nick is sitting on the sofa, facing away from me.

I gently clear my throat.

Nick gets up and wanders over.

He references my face and then looks at the apple in my hand.

I mime cutting the apple.

He picks up a knife and passes it to me.

I reference him and shake my head for "no".

I look towards the other kitchen counter.

Nick follows my eye gaze and spies the apple cutter.

He collects the cutter and gives it to me.

I place the cutter on the apple and then step back.

I reference him with a wide eye look.... and gaze to the apple, the cutter and then back to the apple.

Nick follows my gaze and then proceeds to cut the apple.

He collects a bowl, gives it to me and then walks away.

He is expecting me to put the apple in the bowl!!

I make a little noise (hmmmm). Nick looks at my face.

I raise my eyebrow, give a little smile and then gaze at the apple.

He comes racing back. :) 

It is wonderful that we can connect/engage naturally over such a simple little interaction. It's worth giving non-verbal communication a bash. It really has been a win for us.

Kitchen Classic!

I haven't been doing many planned engagements with Nick over the last two weeks. We have been cruising through the days, doing the same activities that Nick knows well and is comfortable with. I have been mindful about giving him opportunities to *think for himself*, however, I haven't set up any little challenges for him. I haven't taken into account the *'edge plus one' concept.

This is where the importance of having a plan in place really makes a difference. Nick needs planned engagements in order to progress. I need to put thought into framing an activity that ensures I am addressing 'edge plus one'. I also need to be very aware of how I am going to guide him. I don't want to *tell* him what to do as my wish is to provide him with the opportunity to *discover* and learn from his experiences.

When writing up a framework for my chosen activity, I ask myself the following...

What is my objective for the activity?
What are our roles throughout the activity?
What style of language am I going to use to ensure that Nick *thinks for himself*? 
What do I think Nick's edge of competence is?
What do I have in mind to ensure that he goes that extra step?

Note: When engaging with Nick, I continually ask myself, "is Nick operating on a conscious level?" Generally, when I see that he has *switched off*, I will pause and wait for him to reconnect.

This will all sound familiar if you have read, It's not about the carrot!

Anyhow, I thought I would share some video footage of an activity that we did a couple of days ago. Please remember that what we are doing and how I approach each situation is my own interpretation of what I am learning as we go through the RDI program. 

Funnily enough this is another kitchen activity, a place where we both feel very comfortable and relaxed. We are revisiting a familiar cooking activity and it is one that I know Nick feels competent with. I decided that I was going to bring in the challenge of using large tongs (Nick has used these once before, however, he needs more practice). Nick's challenge/plus one was to use the tongs to pick up and transfer each chicken piece over to the pan on the stove. 

I purposely cut the chicken up slowly, piece by piece in order to slow down the activity and really make it more meaningful. Due to the distance between the counter and stove, Nick was going to have to concentrate and apply enough pressure to the tongs to hold the chicken in place!

There are two things that I really like about the clip below (Kitchen one). Nick really perseveres with the task at hand and his resilience is shining through. I like that I spotlight what is happening so that Nick is hearing my thoughts as well as seeing what is unfolding before him. 

Just for interest sake ~ when we first started RDI, Nick was only able to tolerate 10 seconds of actually being with me!

I start off this second clip (Kitchen two) with my eyes closed. Nick was getting a bit stimmy and distracted. He kept wanted to touch my face and also put his face close to mine (note to self: the kid needs some deep pressure around the jaw line!). Throughout the activity I was trying to think of ways to slow him down a bit and encourage him to leave my face alone!! I don't know where the idea came from but I decided to close my eyes and see what happened. My plan was successful and Nick actually became more engaged.

Just for interest sake ~ our dogs were in the kitchen, however, they were fast asleep. What a luck!

The clip below (Kitchen three) shows that Nick has discovered how to manipulate the tongs to hold the piece of chicken. I purposely spotlight his success.

We are nearing the end of our planned engagement (Kitchen four). Although Nick is very engaged, I can feel that he has just about reached his limit with this particular activity. However, I just want to push him a tiny bit further in order to finish the cycle off placing the chicken in the pan. I took care to spotlight that Nick was able to pick up the chicken and put it in the pan. We end on success!

So, there you have it. A lovely planned engagement with Nick. He was connected, referenced me for information and wasn't stressed when something didn't work out as planned, He was thinking on a conscious level and at times actually seemed to enjoy spending time with his mum. I think that he did great! :)

As for me, I am happy with myself that I took it slow and ensured that I paused a lot, in order to give both me and Nick some thinking time. I provided scaffolding when necessary and also stepped back when I thought Nick needed a little push. I feel that I am getting better at speaking my thoughts and spotlighting important moments.

Nick also figured out how to use the tongs ~ win, win!

Feel free to comment or ask me any questions!

RDI ~ on the fly!

Being an RDI mum means that I journal a lot. It might be a nebulous little paragraph, perhaps a long story or even a photograph. Regardless of what I may write, it is certainly a great way to reflect and to keep track of our progress. 

The following is my latest journal entry.

It's been one of those slack days! The type of day that involves being a taxi mum and a dog walker. The hours in this type of day just fly by so quickly and before I know it, the day is over and I have put very little effort into *planned engagements* with Nick. Life happens and sometimes it is just best to go with it!

Anyhow, as I was on the way to the beach with boy and dog in tow, I was thinking away to myself (whilst driving very carefully!)... what could I do with Nick that would be productive, a learning experience and encourage a meaningful interaction! Ho hum, I started thinking about our latest RDI objective and how I have been incorporating the concept of easy and hard, whilst making juice and regulating the water flow from a tap. 

Water! Dog!  That's it..... when we get to the beach we can give the dog a drink of water. In my car I have an old ice-cream container and an old juice bottle full of water. I think of different scenarios to spotlight that what we are doing is *easy*. Generally, when we get to the beach, Nick takes off his shoes and stands there waiting for me to get organised. I wondered how he would react when I invited him to help me. I decided that Nick's role would be that of holding the container while I poured the water into it. He could then put the container on the ground! Yay, success! Nick responded to my invitation to help and he found the experience very easy. I spoke about how *easy* it was and then we all traipsed onto the beach. Okay... to tell the truth, Nick tentatively put one foot in front of the other and the dog immediately started sniffing the ground and munching on all sorts of delights (think the dog is going to feel very sorry for himself later!).

As the dog continued to explore his territory and Nick plonks himself down on the nearest log, I start thinking about what we have just done and mull over my next step. Hmm, I now need to spotlight that what we are doing is harder than what we did before. Again, I ponder over this... if we were to swap roles, how was Nick going to cope with taking the lid off the juice bottle and pouring the water into the container. Let's face it, his motor planning is not the best! In the end, I thought "why not".... this would actually be the perfect example for *hard*.

As we walk back to the car, I talk about the dog and how he will need some water, especially after eating that very dodgy fish head! Nick doesn't give me any indication that he has heard me, although when we reach the car, Nick went to collect the container (that I had left under the car). Nice one, Nick! 

Oops, no water! I take the juice bottle out of the car and give it to Nick. I then take the container and wait. I don't say anything as I want Nick to reference me for information. I want to see if he can decide what the next course of action is. I don't want to prompt him in any way! 

Nick turns the bottle upside down, over the container! Nothing happens, so I say, "ah, no water!". He pauses then decides to pull up the nozzle of the juice bottle. Still no water. Now it would be very easy for me to tell him what to do, BUT, I want him to figure it out for himself. Again, he pulls out the nozzle a bit more and then holds the bottle over the container.. nothing happens. (Nick doesn't realise that he can squeeze the bottle). I wait patiently, giving him the time to think about his next plan of action. I spotlight "oh no, this is hard to do". He realizes that the water isn't coming out and he stops. Within a few seconds, he has turned the bottle upright, taken off the lid and poured the water into the container! Fantastic, I am delighted that he has figured it out for himself. He did find it hard, however, he persevered and he was successful.

Yay, go Nick! 

Another nice memory to store in the bank.

As for me.... my mind is onto the next challenge. How can I extend on what we have done? Was there something I noticed during the interaction? What activity can I plan to emphasis the difference between easy and hard? What framework can I write up for a really effective *engagement*. 

Aha, Nick didn't know that he could squeeze the bottle to get the water to come out. There we have it, our next goal. This one will not be done *on the fly*. I will be writing up a framework sheet for a planned engagement.

Now, this is why I like spontaneous interactions. As we go about our day to day business, an opportunity may occur that I can take advantage of. I do put a lot of thought into what I want to achieve, I just don't write up a framework sheet. I like the fact that our informal interactions open up possibilities and give me food for thought.

Upwards and onwards!