April ~ Day Twenty Three

It's been a while since we have played any type of board game, so I pulled out the old Junior Scrabble.

My goal for this engagement was to connect with Nick and share the enjoyment and experience of playing a game together.


Our game of choice:

Junior Scrabble


Roles:

I take a turn / Nick takes a turn


Activity limits..... and rough plan:

Only work with two boards, each containing four words.

The words are quite easy, therefore I will choose a letter and place it in an unexpected place. For example, in the middle or end of a word. Nick to make his own plan about what letter he chooses.


Communication:

Lots of experience sharing declarative comments. Pause and wait. Self-talk so that Nick hears my thoughts.


What happened:

Hmmmmm........

Nick joined me in the game and he immediately understood his role. Was he wildly ecstatic to be there? No. Although we were connected and had a nice co-regularly pattern thing going on, Nick was in task mode. The game wasn't fun and he was going through the motions. To be honest, I thought it was too easy for him. I ended the activity earlier than planned.


Next time:

Try out some other board games.... some with a bit more oomph / fun.

Scaffolding for Independence

I shared this RDI post a few weeks back. It's a quick read so click right here to get the background of today's post.

I have been thinking about how to scaffold different sections of our last planned engagement to enhance Nick's learning experience. My wish is to guide Nick in such a way that he feels comfortable with uncertainty and also ensure that the challenge he is faced with is not too overwhelming. In RDI speak we call this 'edge + 1'.

For example: Nick finds it difficult to judge the amount of Nesquik powder to collect on his teaspoon and he invariably overloads the spoon (the instructions state to use three teaspoons). I threw around a few ideas and eventually decided on the easiest one. Nick could spoon two teaspoons of the powder into his glass! You can check out our experience in the following clip.

Before you watch the (one minute) clip, I would like you to take note of a few things.

* Watch me and observe how I scaffold this part of the activity. Take note that I am only using declarative language and I also make sure to pause and wait for Nick to respond. I don't tell him what to do. I make suggestions and the decision to participate is Nick's. Watch how he references me for information and guidance. We are working together nicely without any pressure.

1. I reflected on a previous experience. This was to encourage Nick to recollect what happened last time and also give him a clue of what is going to happen next.

2. I pause and let Nick take the initiative.

3. I don't jump in and assist when Nick takes three teaspoons. I let him finish... and then spotlight that he 'forgot' and remind him that we are going to do two teaspoons.

4. I decide to add in a little challenge and let Nick know that we are going to try again.

5. I didn't assist in any way while Nick was having his second attempt. I gave him the time to make his own decision.

6. I made sure to spotlight what happened.

I realise that I wasn't going to share any more video footage of us, however, I find that a visual representation of an interaction is powerful and extremely helpful. It is much easier for me to share a clip with you, than write a very long blog post explaining the whole process. Video footage helps me to reflect on our activity and think about our way forward. Nick also gets to watch himself in action and I am sure it helps him to encode the experience and add it to his memory bank for future reference.

So, what did you think? Was the video clip helpful? Did it give you some ideas on how to use declarative language? Did you notice that I was providing opportunities for Nick to think for himself and make his own decisions? Did you find our interaction encouraging?

Chips and chores!

I walked through the kitchen, passing Nick, who was sitting on the sofa playing with the iPad. He looked at me and made the sign for "chips". "For sure", I said. "I need some help getting the washing off the line and then I can get the chips". Nick shook his head, "no". I shrugged my shoulders, grabbed the washing basket and headed to the washing line at the bottom of the garden.

I re-entered the kitchen with the fully loaded basket on my hip and placed it on the floor. Nick asked me again for some "chips". "Oh dear" I replied, "but you didn't come to help me with the washing".

I pause and wait for approximately twenty seconds.

Nick jumps up from the sofa, holds one side of the basket and waits for me to pick up the other side. Together we carry it to the table. I fold a cloth and pass it to Nick, indicating with my eyes where it should be put. We continue with this giver/putter routine for three items. 

When I have finished folding the washing, I give Nick a small bowl of chips.

~*~

This little story may sound a bit mundane, however, I want to spotlight our 'conversation'. 

Nick engaged with me and made a request. 

I approved his request, yet also made my own request. Using declarative language, I invited him to assist me (and dangled a little carrot chip to entice him!). 

Nick decided that he didn't want to help, which was fair enough. I collected the washing without him.

Nick made a further request for chips, however, I felt that it was important to express why I didn't think he should have any. 

Nick then had a bit of an 'AHA' moment and of his own accord made a plan to win those chips. He decided to come and help me. Smart boy.

I made sure to only fold three items, as didn't want to turn the experience into a chore.

I also didn't want to hand over the chips immediately as a 'reward', therefore I finished folding the clothes before getting him the chips.

*A simple interaction that gave me the opportunity to encourage Nick to think for himself and make his own choices. 

Declarative Language

I am a huge fan of using declarative language with Nick and I really enjoyed reading the following post written by Linda Murphy. You can find the original over at.... Peer Projects ~ Therapy from the Heart

Declarative Language

One thing that we feel makes PPTFTH unique is our communication style with our clients. We mindfully use declarative language in all of our interactions, because we know this speaking style does so many things! For example, it helps children feel comfortable because it is inviting in nature, rather than demand based. So many of the kids we know with vulnerable language or social communication abilities shy away when faced with interactions that are based in questions or commands. It develops inferential thinking: declarative language does not tell children what to do, but helps them to know what may be important to notice, so that they can then draw important conclusions on their own. It leaves room for children to take action, thereby encouraging spontaneity and independence. It helps develop curiosity, as it plants seeds of wonder in the minds of others. It supports problem solving because it emphasizes and spotlights the process of problem solving, over getting the right answer. It creates reason for social interaction, as it helps kids notice and think about others within naturally occurring opportunities.

Previously, when I have written on this topic, it has been in relation to individuals with ASD. However, those who use declarative language and promote its use (such as Kristen Jacobsen and Sarah Ward, the gurus in executive function), know that it is truly an effective strategy for most language learners and communicators.  It is especially effective for those struggling with executive function, and more subtle social communication difficulties. A child need not have a diagnosis of ASD to benefit greatly from this strategy. 

So, what exactly is declarative language, you wonder? With declarative language, we are essentially thinking out loud for the child to hear, so that he or she can benefit from our models, and start to do the same for themselves: Think, notice, wonder, and essentially, appreciate that there is a thinking process behind all that we do. Declarative language allows us all (kids and adults) to slow down and think, become better observers of our environment and other people, and take note of those moments when a decision may need to be made. 

Declarative language helps us move away from being product focused (do XYZ!!), and instead appreciate the process behind all that we do. It allows us all to hang out in moments that are less certain, rather than panic or feel like we have to do something quickly, simply to get it done. If we can help our kids become more comfortable with those moments where they feel less certain, or less sure of themselves, we will most definitely be on our way to great things.

Here are some nuts and bolts: 

Declarative language is:

• commenting, or making statements, out loud about what we think, notice, remember, feel, wonder about, observe, etc.
• flexible. It allows for more than one possible way to respond. Often we may not even realize this until the child responds in a way that is different from what we were expecting, yet still completely acceptable to the situation!

Declarative language may include:

• cognitive verbs, or verbs that talk about our thinking process such as think, wonder, know, remember, forget,decide, and imagine.
• observational words related to our senses such as notice, hear, see, smell and feel.
• words or phrases that communicate emotion such as I’m not sure, I like, I don’t like, I feel happy, silly, excited, afraid, nervous, embarrassed, or upset.
• first person pronouns such as I, we or us.
•  words of uncertainty or possibility such as maybe, might, possibly, perhaps and sometimes.

Declarative language is NOT:

• questions or commands that have a specific right and wrong answer.
• demanding. With declarative language, we make a statement that invites a response, but does not require, or demand, it.

Here are some examples to get you started:
I’m wondering where your shoes are.
I notice your clothes did not make it into the hamper!
I’m thinking we might need some forks.
I heard your friend say that she wants to use the red crayon when you are done.
I notice that you really like that swing.
I forget what you said you wanted for lunch.
I notice it is almost time to change classes.
I see the other students are starting to pack up their belongings.
I just remembered that we need milk for this recipe.
I could really use some help carrying this bag.
I realized both you and your classmate like Legos!
I didn’t like when that happened. It made me feel a little nervous.
It made me really happy when you said you like playing with me.

In my experience in working with parents, I know that shifting to this speaking style can be hard work. It requires us to be more thoughtful in our communication with kids, and therefore requires us to slow down (and who has time to slow down, right?!). But, because this is what we want our kids to become someday: independent individuals who can problem solve, connect with others, and be thoughtful in their decision making, it truly is worth the effort. 

Authored by Linda Murphy MS, CCC-SLP

Time for teeth!

Brushing teeth ~ chapter one! 

Imperative language:   I call downstairs, "Nick, come and brush your teeth".

Stop and wait:   Nick responded within 30 seconds.

Decision making:   Nick took out the toothbrush and toothpaste. He took the lid off the paste and proceeded to squeeze the toothpaste onto the brush. He didn't stop squeezing!

Declarative language :   "Oooh, that is so much toothpaste, let's stop, stop, stop".

Decision making:   Nick hands me the toothpaste.

Declarative language:   "Let's start again".

Defining roles:   "Tell you what, you can hold the toothbrush and I will squeeze the toothpaste".

Declarative language:   As I model how to squeeze slowly, I chant the words "slowly, slowly".

I pause:   Nick takes the brush and starts to chew on it. As one does! :)


To be continued...................

Water Wise!

Out of the blue, Nick picked up my glass of water and drank it! He only drinks juice (very diluted with water) so he must have been really thirsty to blow caution to the wind and gulp down the whole lot!

It got me thinking..... 

Time to get this boy drinking water.

What would happen to him if he ever found himself alone without anyone to guide him?

Would he actually go to the tap and pour himself a glass of water?

*Aha*

The perfect activity for an RDI planned engagement!

Drinking Water!

#ONE

When planning my framework, I decided to use declarative language to invite Nick to respond. For example: I would say something along the lines of: "we need two cups, one for me and one for you". 

Note: Nick is very comfortable with his role of collecting the cups, therefore the start of our activity is relaxed and Nick feels competent. 

#TWO

I also decided on our roles, as in, who would do what. For example; I would put water into my cup and then Nick would put water into his cup. This part of the engagement would be Nick's *plus one*, as he finds it difficult to judge how much water to put into the cup.

Note: Nick handled the challenge well, although he still filled up the cup. I made sure to spotlight the difference between the amounts of water in each cup. This is a work in progress. 

#THREE

For the third part of our framework I decided that it would be a great idea to drink our water *together*. I chose a reciprocal pattern and Nick had to observe me and coordinate his actions with mine. 

Note: Nick is a little bothered. He can easily match his actions with mine; however, in this case I know that he really wasn't keen on drinking the water. I am thrilled that he stayed with me and it is wonderful to see his resilience.

~~*~~

Note to self:

Plan a framework around an activity.

Designate roles and role actions

Be mindful about communication methods

Start off with a familiar action that Nick feels competent with

Add in a small challenge

Spotlight the challenge before it happens

Spotlight the challenge after it has happened

Assess the situation. Has Nick reached his limit (edge plus one) or can we carry on for another step?

Rocking the non verbal

When we first started our RDI journey, I concentrated heavily on changing my style of communication. I stopped being a chatterbox and instead leaned towards being non-verbal. I cut right back on giving Nick commands. I gave him loads of time to process what was happening and I also made sure that I didn't jump in there and speak and/or make decisions for him.

Nick quickly learned the importance of referencing my face and checking out my body language in order to obtain information. He understood that he could look to me for guidance and reassurance. He realised that my facial expressions could be meaningful. In fact, it was possible to take Nick to a supermarket and not be concerned if he wandered off! It was if we had a loose thread binding us together... he always checked to see that I was still in his line of sight.  When I needed him, all I had to do was send him a silent signal and he would come back or wait for me to join him.

Over time I came to realise that being excessively non verbal was not enough to help guide Nick to become a more dynamically thinking kid. I found that I wasn't using enough language to spotlight what I was thinking and doing. He needed extra scaffolding in order to understand what was happening; and the way for me to provide that scaffolding was to talk! It is important to note that my style of talking revolves around using a more declarative type of language. This is in order to *invite* Nick to respond, which in turn helps him to *think* for himself. *For more info on declarative language please click on the link at the end of this blog post.

Of late, I have noticed that I am tending to waffle on a bit during our planned engagements and I haven't been giving Nick enough time to really think about his role and to plan his own response. (One of the huge advantages of taking video footage is being able to go back and reflect on what I am doing). I am not overly concerned, however, when writing up the framework for the following planned engagement, I thought it would be a great idea to make the engagement non verbal. It would be a interesting test for myself to see if cutting back my language would slow me down and get me back on track. I was also curious to see how Nick would react and if he was able to remain connected without any verbal input.

Planned engagement

I chose to work with juicing yet again as it is a meaningful activity that Nick is comfortable with. It is also an activity that provides many opportunities to introduce a  new challenge. For this engagement I planned for us to start off with some familiar patterns (i.e. taking turns to cut) and then for the challenge I decided to bring in some baby spinach and guide Nick on the cleaning and drying of it.... which he has never done before! I also planned to offer up choices so that Nick could make his own decisions about what he wanted to use/do.

Non verbal juicing ~ one

I have set up the activity and Nick is sitting on the couch paging through a book. Whilst prepping I was thinking to myself, "how am I going to get Nick's attention and invite him to join me?". I decided on the simplest option ~ I clicked my tongue. I can't tell you how delighted I was when he responded so quickly. (Well, you can see my delight from the big cheesy grin on my face!!)

This clip shows how well we are working together. Nick is referencing me for information. I am pausing on occasion in order for Nick to reconnect with me and to also offer him opportunities to communicate his own thoughts. Just watching this video clip blows my mind.... two years ago he would refuse to join me in any type of activity; and when he did eventually choose to engage with me, it was for only a few seconds!!

Anyway, I digress.....

Non verbal juicing ~ two

Admittedly I am doing most of the work in this clip, however, Nick is still with me and watching intently. Notice how Nick places his hand on mine and that he chooses to take on his own role. Yes, we are doing a chore, however, this activity is just the prop for building on moments of joint attention and co-regulation.

I wonder if you saw the *carrot pattern*. I cut off the end of the carrot and tossed it into the sink. I then handed Nick the next piece. He immediately threw it away. Hence, as I finish slicing the carrot, Nick thinks that those pieces also need to be thrown away. He is watching my facial expressions and body language, although not responding to my cues. I realise that I have to add a bit of scaffolding in order to help him out. I simply hold out my hand and Nick quickly realises what to do next. I am loving that we can repair the situation without talking! :)

Non verbal juicing ~ three

We have now moved onto cutting up an apple. I may look very relaxed and as cool as a cucumber in this clip but in reality my heart is in my mouth. Nick is not competent with using a knife, however, I really want to provide him with the *experience* of using it. I am not overly concerned with his motor planning at this particular time, as I am concentrating on our engagement not the skills within the activity. It is really fabulous to watch how we are coordinating our actions. We are both checking in with each to confirm what is going to happen next. I am thrilled when he passes me the knife to indicate that it is my turn. Before reacting, I pause and put a questioning look on my face and wait for Nick's response. The way he nods for "yes" is really delightful to see.

I think it is important to spotlight my reaction when Nick tried to place some apple into my mouth; and then his reaction when I tried to do the same with him. He is quite adamant that I should eat a piece of the apple and it takes a while for him to back off.  He quickly retreats when I offer him a piece! What stands out for me is the scene at the end of the clip....  Nick tries again to put the apple into my mouth, however, he is quick to gauge my reaction and puts the apple back on the board. Way to go Nick.

Non verbal juicing ~ four

We have had a nice time prepping the fruit and veg (Nick's 'edge') and now we reach my planned challenge (Nick's 'plus one'). It is not a big challenge as I don't want Nick to feel incompetent and stressed. I want to add just a little step... just enough of a challenge in order to enhance our engagement and move him forward.

Initially I had planned that we would take turns putting the spinach leaves into the sieve, however, Nick ruined my plan by grabbing a handful! Oh well, moving right along..... That's the thing with real life, plans change in a flash and we need to be flexible and adapt to those changes!  I then placed the sieve under the tap and watched as Nick removed the spinach and threw it in the sink. Remember the previous pattern of Nick throwing the carrots into the sink!! I was impressed that he referenced me for my reaction and he was able to repair the situation.

What stands out for me in this clip is that Nick is so relaxed and he just goes with the flow. In particular, from time code 1:04, when I over emphasis my facial expression, Nick picks up on it and he is also amused by what we are doing. His eyes light up and he has a cute grin on his face.... there really is a lovely connection between the two of us! We then move onto drying the spinach. Nick is a little hesitant (after all, we are at his 'plus one'), however, he is guided by my actions, facial expression and body language and he chooses to coordinate his actions with mine. When he makes the sign for "finished", I end the activity with a my own "finished" sign.

Conclusion

Choosing to be non verbal was a win and I feel that our planned engagement was very successful. Nick coped well with the challenge and he was an active partner. Taking away the talk really slowed me down and helped me to be more mindful with my guiding. I concentrated on pausing frequently to give Nick extra time. I was able to convey what we needed to do or if I needed help, by using facial expressions and body language. I was very focused on the two of us referencing each other and also mindful of the fact that we both had roles to play... even when our patterns naturally changed. I was also more aware of what Nick was communicating to me. For sure, there are areas that could be improved upon, however, I feel that this planned engagement was 'good enough'.

Would I make all planned engagements non verbal? No. I really missed being able to verbally spotlight to Nick our important moments. I also enjoy using declarative language to give Nick opportunities to think about making his own choices and/or plans. At the end of the day it is important to use different styles of communication, although it is a great idea to go non verbal on occasion to check on our progress.

P.S. I am very proud of my boy! :-)

...........................................................................................................................................................

Interesting articles

The RDI program for social and emotional development ~ Laurel Joss

Changing the Cycle of Communication ~ Laura Hynes

Using Declarative Language ~ Linda Murphy

What a good mother!!

Sigh, I am not so good at being a mum who supplies ready baked cookies for school lunch boxes! In fact I am down right useless! Nick doesn't eat any type of biscuit or cake, which is a bit of a bonus considering his really bad diet! The other kid of mine will munch his way through anything and he often throws me a little line that makes my mother guilt rise to the surface! 

I eyed up the three very over ripe bananas that had been sitting on the bench for the last few days. Bleurgh, no way would they be eaten and it would be a waste to throw them out! Time to make a plan (and appease my guilt!)

I haven't done much with Nick over the last few days as the poor kid has been a bit under the weather with a head cold. However, he did perk up today so I took advantage of this and wrote up four (yes, four!) planned engagements for us to do together. All easy stuff with a hint of a challenge!

#1. First up, I chatted to Nick about a shopping list. I suggested an item that we needed to buy and he then typed the word using his Lightwriter. The challenge for him was to wait for me to acknowledge the word that he had typed and then WAIT for me to write it down on a piece of paper. The waiting is hard for Nick as he tends to type a word and then quickly erase it! The challenge was successful, although I did keep the engagement short and only focused on five words (without being too bothered with the spelling).

Hah, Nick can spell 'butter'.... I never knew! :)

#2  With shopping list in hand, we then headed off to the supermarket for our next planned engagement. Grocery shopping is a breeze for Nick, although of late I have been a bit slack about adding variation to our little routines. Usually I will pass an item to Nick and he will put it in the trolley, however, this time he needed to be aware of what I was saying and where I was looking, in order to choose the correct item and then GIVE it to me! 

#3 Fast forward to later in the day. We needed to peel the bananas to add to the other ingredients and the video clip below shows how we went about this.  




#4  Last but not least, we then had to remove the cooked Banana Bread from the baking tin and then peel off the paper. Nick has never done this before and he was an absolute champ, although he wasn't too keen on the *feel* of the greasy paper! 

So, there you have it. Four planned engagements that were very simple and just enough of a challenge in order for Nick to learn further. Four opportunities for me to practice guiding my boy to *think* for himself. And one freshly baked Banana Bread for my first born!! 

~*~

I read this short ARTICLE today and wanted to share it for those of you who are interested in learning further about RDI. 

It's not about the carrot!

Not so long ago I was asked if RDI was all about teaching my child to do chores! Was I training my child self help skills. 

Ummm, no!

It may *look* like I am training my boy to be a fabulous cook who cleans up after himself; and of course these are great skills to have. However, what I am actually doing is choosing activities in which to engage with Nick. Each activity is a prop that provides opportunities for me to guide him from a developmental perspective. The by product is that he also gets to learn something new!!

* Note:  Nick does not *play*, therefore the use of chores works for us at this current time. Nick also seems to be really interested in cooking so I like to encourage this interest.

When planning an engagement, I take into account the following steps;

What are our roles?
How can I guide Nick to ensure that he is operating on a conscious level?
What style of language is needed to encourage *thinking for himself*?
What is his level of competence?
What is the next step that will take him just beyond that level of competence?

For interest sake I thought I would share three *very short* video clips.....

For my planned engagement I decided to focus on peeling a vegetable. Due to Nick's motor planning issues this is very difficult for him! However, remember *it's not about the carrot!*

I decided that I would peel a carrot and talk about what I was doing. I would also take it slow and give Nick the chance to absorb what was happening. His role was to take a turn peeling the carrot... and sure enough he realised what he needed to do. Please note that Nick was very relaxed and he only needed a little bit of scaffolding with how to hold the peeler. After he had successfully peeled one piece, I made sure to spotlight what he had done and then we stopped.

Why did I stop? I could see that Nick was comfortable with the challenge that was presented, therefore I decided to add another little challenge. Dr Gutstein calls this "edge plus one", which means that you take the child to the edge of his competence and then you take him one more step.

In the second clip I am still using a carrot, although this time I decided that we were going to *cut* the carrot. I wanted to give Nick the opportunity to think for himself, so I think out loud "what can I use to cut?". I purposely don't want to tell Nick what to do and I certainly don't want to tell him that he has chosen the wrong utensil. With a few declarative comments he realises that the scissors are not going to work and he indicates that the scissors are for cutting hair! I then thought it best to add in a bit of scaffolding and offer up the knife! 

You will see that Nick recalls the previous pattern of peeling the carrot and he tries to do the same with the knife. I don't want him to become stressed over the fact that he is battling with the carrot, therefore I scaffold the situation and we cut the carrot together. When I decide to stop the activity, I make sure to spotlight that we "did it!".

Due to the fact that the carrot was too hard to cut, I decided to go back a step and bring in a cucumber, which will be easier to peel and then cut. This added a variation to our activity, although we were revisiting the now familiar peeling action. This is another *step* for Nick. You will see that Nick is very focused, although he is starting to speed up his actions. I sense that he has reached his edge of competence plus one; and if I want him to remember this engagement as a positive experience, then I need to finish up. I make sure to spotlight that he successfully peeled a piece of cucumber.

You will see in all three video clips that we both had our own roles to play and that Nick understood that he also contributes to the engagement. He trusts that I won't push him too far, therefore he is also a willing participant. I offered him opportunities to *think* for himself and also provided scaffolding where I thought necessary.

Nick watches me carefully and is very aware of coordinating his actions with my actions. At no point does he feel under pressure to perform. He is by my side because he wants to be with me.  We have lots of lovely co-regulatory patterns happening and we take our time, quietly and calmly, guiding and being guided.

I hope that this makes sense! I have a lot more information to share regarding the above video clips and our planned engagement, however, this post is getting far too long.

Just a wee reminder ~ it's not about the carrot!! ;)

Oh yes.... if you have any ideas for our next step, just toss them my way! 

Cheers! x

RDI ~ changing my style of communication

I have been reflecting on my role as Nick's parent and how we have progressed over the years!

If I think back to six years ago I was very much the carer of my child. I fed him, bathed him, wiped his bum and tried to keep him happy. I drove him to school and placed him in the very capable hands of his teacher. I was the regular taxi mum and without fail took him to Speech Therapy, Physiotherapy and Occupational Therapy. I was a star. I did a *good job*.

Why did I try to keep him happy? 

My boy hated any form of change. He was extremely anxious. He couldn't cope with noise and/or unexpected noises. He needed his rigid little patterns. EVERYTHING had to be the same. He would get very stressed it we added a teeny tiny variation. We couldn't take him anywhere. Life for him was stressful. Life for me as his mother was exhausting. I seemed to be on a permanent merry-go-round and unable to get off. Life was fast, extremely busy and without reprieve. 

I found it far easier to let my boy be in control and to do as he pleased ~ rather than rock the boat and suffer the consequences!  I was a star. I did a *good job*..... or did I?

Roll in RDI (you knew I was going to say that, right?).

I did a lot of reading and learned a few titbits that I started to apply with Nick. (This was before we got involved with a consultant).

I stopped talking *at* him. I stopped telling him what to do. I stopped prompting him. In fact I shut up and became more non-verbal. I learned that eye contact was not something to be trained. It was more important (and meaningful) that Nick learned to reference my face and body language for information. I love that we have this in place. We can be at the supermarket and Nick will wander off, however, he is constantly checking to see where I am and also monitoring my reaction ~ am I okay that he is exploring, do I need him to come back, do I need help unloading the groceries...

I became mindful about the use of pausing and then waiting for Nick to react. His processing time was slow, therefore I waited.... and waited some more. Not 5 seconds, not 10 seconds BUT at least 45 seconds. I still use this concept and it works a treat. Nick is now much more capable of thinking for himself and his processing time has also increased dramatically. I could be waiting at the car, holding one half of a heavy bag of groceries and Nick will look to me, I shrug my shoulders and look at the bag. He will generally process this information and then come and hold the other half of the bag and we then carry it together...

I learned the value of cutting back on imperative language and placing more emphasis on being more declarative. Phew, this took ages to get used to. Let's face it, we are naturally imperative..... "What did you do at school today". "Pass the salt". "What colour is that?". However... and this is a big HOWEVER! Due to the fact that I have been using more experience sharing language and *inviting* a response, Nick has really come to the party. Again, he is thinking for himself, making his own decisions and responding if he wants to, not because he has to. This is a boy who was unable to do anything without a direct prompt. 

I found that chanting helped Nick transition and distract him from a stressful situation. This is another beauty. As mentioned previously, Nick couldn't cope with change of any sort. Heaven forbid that I wanted him to get out of the car when we got to the supermarket! The screaming, the crying and the pinching.... extreme distress. What I used to do was hold his hand and gently start swinging our hands in a nice calm regular pattern.... and I would chant at the same time, "walking, walking, walking". I still use chanting at times as it helps Nick to focus on what we are doing. I love how this helps him. (*Please note that getting Nick back out into the community was a very slow and gentle process!)

Self talk: I like this concept because I am highlighting my thoughts about what I am doing and what is happening. Nick is learning about *my* thinking process. I am now so good at this that I find myself talking aloud in the middle of the supermarket ~ not so cool when I am by myself!   

The above are just a few concepts that come to mind. It is all common sense really.... it is the putting into practice that makes a difference. We have the following picture at school... it is a great reminder for us all to be mindful about how we interact and engage with the children.

Oops, have just seen the time.... gotta go collect Nick from school. Have a great weekend. x

RDI ~ on the fly!

Being an RDI mum means that I journal a lot. It might be a nebulous little paragraph, perhaps a long story or even a photograph. Regardless of what I may write, it is certainly a great way to reflect and to keep track of our progress. 

The following is my latest journal entry.

It's been one of those slack days! The type of day that involves being a taxi mum and a dog walker. The hours in this type of day just fly by so quickly and before I know it, the day is over and I have put very little effort into *planned engagements* with Nick. Life happens and sometimes it is just best to go with it!

Anyhow, as I was on the way to the beach with boy and dog in tow, I was thinking away to myself (whilst driving very carefully!)... what could I do with Nick that would be productive, a learning experience and encourage a meaningful interaction! Ho hum, I started thinking about our latest RDI objective and how I have been incorporating the concept of easy and hard, whilst making juice and regulating the water flow from a tap. 

Water! Dog!  That's it..... when we get to the beach we can give the dog a drink of water. In my car I have an old ice-cream container and an old juice bottle full of water. I think of different scenarios to spotlight that what we are doing is *easy*. Generally, when we get to the beach, Nick takes off his shoes and stands there waiting for me to get organised. I wondered how he would react when I invited him to help me. I decided that Nick's role would be that of holding the container while I poured the water into it. He could then put the container on the ground! Yay, success! Nick responded to my invitation to help and he found the experience very easy. I spoke about how *easy* it was and then we all traipsed onto the beach. Okay... to tell the truth, Nick tentatively put one foot in front of the other and the dog immediately started sniffing the ground and munching on all sorts of delights (think the dog is going to feel very sorry for himself later!).

As the dog continued to explore his territory and Nick plonks himself down on the nearest log, I start thinking about what we have just done and mull over my next step. Hmm, I now need to spotlight that what we are doing is harder than what we did before. Again, I ponder over this... if we were to swap roles, how was Nick going to cope with taking the lid off the juice bottle and pouring the water into the container. Let's face it, his motor planning is not the best! In the end, I thought "why not".... this would actually be the perfect example for *hard*.

As we walk back to the car, I talk about the dog and how he will need some water, especially after eating that very dodgy fish head! Nick doesn't give me any indication that he has heard me, although when we reach the car, Nick went to collect the container (that I had left under the car). Nice one, Nick! 

Oops, no water! I take the juice bottle out of the car and give it to Nick. I then take the container and wait. I don't say anything as I want Nick to reference me for information. I want to see if he can decide what the next course of action is. I don't want to prompt him in any way! 

Nick turns the bottle upside down, over the container! Nothing happens, so I say, "ah, no water!". He pauses then decides to pull up the nozzle of the juice bottle. Still no water. Now it would be very easy for me to tell him what to do, BUT, I want him to figure it out for himself. Again, he pulls out the nozzle a bit more and then holds the bottle over the container.. nothing happens. (Nick doesn't realise that he can squeeze the bottle). I wait patiently, giving him the time to think about his next plan of action. I spotlight "oh no, this is hard to do". He realizes that the water isn't coming out and he stops. Within a few seconds, he has turned the bottle upright, taken off the lid and poured the water into the container! Fantastic, I am delighted that he has figured it out for himself. He did find it hard, however, he persevered and he was successful.

Yay, go Nick! 

Another nice memory to store in the bank.

As for me.... my mind is onto the next challenge. How can I extend on what we have done? Was there something I noticed during the interaction? What activity can I plan to emphasis the difference between easy and hard? What framework can I write up for a really effective *engagement*. 

Aha, Nick didn't know that he could squeeze the bottle to get the water to come out. There we have it, our next goal. This one will not be done *on the fly*. I will be writing up a framework sheet for a planned engagement.

Now, this is why I like spontaneous interactions. As we go about our day to day business, an opportunity may occur that I can take advantage of. I do put a lot of thought into what I want to achieve, I just don't write up a framework sheet. I like the fact that our informal interactions open up possibilities and give me food for thought.

Upwards and onwards!

RDI ~ Observation and Imitation

We have been assigned a new RDI objective and it goes something like this;


Observation and Imitation


I need to provide opportunities for Nick to observe me demonstrating small things that I do on a day to day basis; and it needs to be something he is not used to doing. I then need to revisit that same activity a few hours later and observe to see if Nick is capable of memory retrieval and can imitate my previous actions.


As mentioned by our consultant; "The Challenge- Even though we will observe the goal of being able to carry out an action, we are looking, in this case at the goal beneath the goal of observation and imitation, leading to the understanding of the intent of observation to be able to carry out a goal"


"Nick observes carefully while you demonstrate a simple cause and effect action that results in a clear outcome. This observation will then carry over to understanding the relationship between observing and actually taking responsibility in doing it."


Sounds easy, right?


For the sake of this blog post, I am only going to focus on one framework....


*Making a cup of tea*


My aim was for Nick to observe me opening the cupboard and taking out one cup, the canister of teabags, the canister of sugar and a teaspoon. I also planned to make declarative comments to highlight each item. Due to other commitments throughout the afternoon, I decided to wait three hours before revisiting this activity. Then our roles would change, it would be my turn to observe and Nick would be responsible for taking out each item.

The following (very short) video clip shows both interactions 

Hmm, this wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. You can see from the video clip that Nick was aware that he had to take the items out of the cupboard, however, he was unable to remember the items and the sequence in which I took them out of the cupboard. 


Reflecting on this particular clip was a learning curve for me. I came to the conclusion that the time between activities was too long and I had given Nick too many items to remember. I also realised that he had no understanding of tea and sugar. He didn't know the words 'canister' or   'silver'. He was not aware of the difference between the spoons in the drawer. 


Not to be too harsh on myself, I do think that we, as a family, need to be more mindful of including Nick in more day to day activities! To our detriment, we have over indulged our special needs child; we have pandered to his whims because of his disability. His needs are high; however, he has proven to us that he is capable of so much more. We have to raise our expectations and guide him to succeed.


Moving right along......


The next time I introduced this activity to Nick, I made sure to use only two items and to spotlight the pattern on my cup. I was also mindful about slowing down and giving Nick time to observe, think and remember! 

Nick was relaxed and attentive. Our interaction was a positive experience.......... but, would he remember what to do in one hour's time?


I also wanted to see if Nick could retrieve from his memory the information about my cup, therefore, I snuck in a little curve ball of my own! I chose a brightly coloured striped cup and placed it next to my blue flower cup. Nick would see the striped cup first!

Viola, how good was that? :)


You can see at the beginning of the clip that Nick wasn't keen on participating ~ he asked me for the computer and then for the car. However, he quickly slotted into the pattern of retrieving the items AND check... he took out the blue flower cup!!!! I made sure to spotlight that success!


By making a few changes and simplifying our objective, we achieved success. That is a great feeling! The next time I do this activity with Nick, I can add a little challenge. Perhaps I will add an extra item for him to remember. Maybe I will introduce a different pattern of engagement. The possibilities are endless.

I think it is important to remember that I am not training Nick on how to achieve a skill. I am purposely providing him with opportunities and giving him the time to process information, think about that information and then decide on his next course of action. I am not telling him what to do, I am inviting him to respond. I am challenging him to become a dynamic thinker.

~*~