It's been a while since we have played any type of board game, so I pulled out the old Junior Scrabble.
My goal for this engagement was to connect with Nick and share the enjoyment and experience of playing a game together.
Our game of choice:
Junior Scrabble
Roles:
I take a turn / Nick takes a turn
Activity limits..... and rough plan:
Only work with two boards, each containing four words.
The words are quite easy, therefore I will choose a letter and place it in an unexpected place. For example, in the middle or end of a word. Nick to make his own plan about what letter he chooses.
Communication:
Lots of experience sharing declarative comments. Pause and wait. Self-talk so that Nick hears my thoughts.
What happened:
Hmmmmm........
Nick joined me in the game and he immediately understood his role. Was he wildly ecstatic to be there? No. Although we were connected and had a nice co-regularly pattern thing going on, Nick was in task mode. The game wasn't fun and he was going through the motions. To be honest, I thought it was too easy for him. I ended the activity earlier than planned.
Next time:
Try out some other board games.... some with a bit more oomph / fun.
I wrote out a little schedule of events for Nick. It went something like this;
Breakfast
iPad
Hang out the washing
Nick hasn't been so keen on helping out with chores of late. It could be a teenage thing or perhaps the pull of the screen is stronger! Whatever the reason, I decided to give him advance warning.
The list helped enormously. He willingly turned off the iPad when I *invited* him to come and help hang out the washing (a small load of towels).
I had already decided on our roles and what I hoped to achieve during the activity. Initially my role was to hang up the washing and Nick's role was to hand me the pegs. Easy peasy. A relaxed and familiar co-regulatory pattern for us. Once that was established, I wanted to provide Nick with a little challenge and give him the opportunity to make an independent decision on how his role was going to change.
I approached this challenge by pegging the left hand side of the towel and then pausing. I didn't say anything or make any sort of gesture while waiting for Nick's response. To my delight he collected a peg and clipped it onto the towel. With each towel thereafter, I paused and gave Nick the opportunity to decide what he wanted to do. Each time he would take his own turn, although at times, the peg was placed in the middle of the towel or otherwise he would clip on two or more pegs. Although this didn't cause me any concern, I did spotlight his pegging by making little declarative comments..... 'That's a great place to put a peg'. 'Wow, you have put on lots of pegs'. The fact that he was making his own decisions was far more important to me than how many pegs he used!
The activity went well and we worked nicely together. I am thrilled that my plan to pause frequently and give Nick the time and space to make his own decisions, encouraged him to come up with a plan. Self discovery can be very powerful.
The beauty of school holidays is that the extra free time offers up so many opportunities to engage with Nick. We can do an activity together, however, slow it right down and ensure that we have a shared experience.
We are attempting a brand new jigsaw puzzle that Nick chose during our last shopping trip to the supermarket.
As always, when engaging with Nick, I am very mindful of how I talk/share information. I don't want to tell him what to do; therefore I use declarative comments to encourage him to think about what is going on. I pause frequently to give him time to hear/process and react to any information.
Some examples of declarative language in the following clip:
"It looks quite difficult"
"Right, we have got all of the pieces"
"Oh, where to start, Nick!"
This next clip shows that Nick is referencing my face and body language in order to obtain information. I wonder if you can spot where I use my head and eyes to indicate where the puzzle piece belongs. Also note how quickly Nick picks up on that clue! :)
We finish the puzzle and Nick decides that he wants to pack it away. However, I am keen to chat about our experience and make the activity even more meaningful.
Some examples of declarative language used;
"I am just going to look at the picture for a minute, before we put it away"
"I like cars"
"I can see the colour... red!"
Now it is time to pack away. Nick's role is to pass me the pieces and it is my role to put them away. I can't resist throwing Nick a little curve ball by changing our regular pattern and throwing the pieces back to him.
There we have it ~ a little bit of mother and son time. No stress, no rush, no pressure. Slowly does it!
It is 6:30am on a Monday morning. We are walking into the kitchen in order to have breakfast before heading off to school.
Nick immediately goes to the small CD player and turns on his music. Katy Perry is singing 'Roar', as she always does whenever Nick turns on the CD. Should she not be on the play list, Nick searches until he hears her voice. All I can say is, thank goodness he is over his Britney phase!
I potter around the kitchen, giving Nick time to respond to my initial comment, ("I need two oranges to make your juice").
I get sidetracked as I make myself a cup of tea (weak, black and no sugar). I turn to look at Nick who is doing a little jiggle, dancing along to Katy. As I start to say, "hmmm, I wonder if Nick has remembered the oranges"... I turn towards the juicer and notice that the oranges are already there, just waiting for me!
Big grin ~ there is NOTHING like the power of the pause!
I collect the carving knife and go to stand near the bench on which the juicer sits. I wait. Nick is absorbed in his music. I clear my throat.
Nick looks to me...... so I hold up an orange for him to see. I wait.
He realises that he has a role to play and comes to join me.
I cut the oranges into halves and then pause. Nick picks up one half and places it onto the juicer and holds it there. A few months back he was too scared to go near the juicer.
I love the concept, *edge plus one*. I take Nick to the edge of his competence and then another tiny challenging step. Slowly but surely he is making progress.
Together we finish squeezing the oranges. With a puzzled expression on my face, I look around for the glass. Nick follows my eye gaze from the juicer to the bench. He realises what is missing and goes to collect a glass from the cupboard.
Oh the joy of my child referencing my face and body language for information.
"Nice one, Nick. We made the orange juice together and you realised that we needed a glass"
Note to self:
Use language that invites a response.
Pause and wait... and then wait some more.
Always keep in mind the concept, *edge plus one*.
Stop talking so much; also communicate using facial expressions and body language.
Give my child many opportunities to *think for himself*
Spotlight success.
~*~
This weekend, for the very first time, Nick asked me to take him to the end of the jetty. Huge!
I have been guiding Nick on how to make his own toast.
Yes, I know that he is nearly 14 and I should have done this years ago!
Pah, such is life!
I have chosen to guide him the RDI way.
For sure, it would be a lot easier for me to tell him what to do....
"Hey, Nick!"
1. Get the bread from the cupboard and the butter from the fridge
2. Open the packet
3. Take out a slice of bread and put it in the toaster
4. Take out another slice of bread and put it in the toaster.
5. Turn on the toaster
6. Wait for the bread to toast
7. Take the bread out of the toaster
8. Butter the toast
9. Cut the toast
No problem, he could do this as easy as pie (except butter the toast).
HOWEVER, would he be thinking about what he is doing? Would he be planning his next step? What if he dropped a piece on the floor and it was quickly snapped up by the dog? Would he be able to make his toast independently without any prompts?
Hence, I chose to guide him the RDI way, to encourage him to think for himself, to make his own decisions and to also learn from his mistakes.
I decided to take each step of the process slowly and at Nick's pace, although always being mindful about giving him a little challenge... taking that one extra step past his level of competence. We have been doing great and after a few days we have reached the *butter the toast* stage.
I must share with you that we hit a little bump in the process... around Number 6. As in, we had to wait for the toast to cook! Young Nick is not really used to hanging around while the toast is cooking. He generally races over to the stereo and turns on his music. He then grabs some magazines, plonks himself down on the couch and flips through the mags as he listens to the music!
This time his old mum (that's me!) put a spanner in his spokes. As the toaster was turned on, he indicated that he was going to turn on the music. I didn't say, "no". I didn't say, "stay here". I said, "I am waiting for the toast to cook!". Well, would you believe it, he decided to stay with me!
He didn't find it easy to hang around the toaster and during that very first attempt of *waiting for the toast to cook*, he did hop around a bit and get a little stressed. I made the occasional declarative comment...."the toast is cooking", "the toast is nearly ready". At no time did I tell him to, "stay".
Voilà, sure enough, Nick was still there when the toast popped. His choice! :)
It was a challenge for him..... it was his edge plus one.
Fast forward a couple of days and we reach the reason for this blog post.
Waiting for the toast to cook was no longer a challenge for Nick. He felt competent with waiting. He knew that I wasn't going to push him too far beyond his level of competence and he was also in tune with the comments that I made every now and then.
How did I fill in that gap, the waiting period?
I paused......
Lovely things happen when I pause.
Special things that make the activity much more about the engagement than the actual cooking of the toast.
It's a win win, really...
A wonderful opportunity to engage with each other.
