By invitation only!

Chores are an inevitable part of daily life. Admittedly not so much here in South Africa. Due to the vast population and not enough employment opportunities, the majority of households employ a cleaner. It's what you do.

For me, doing chores is a great opportunity to engage with Nick. The trick is ensuring that the chore is more about the interaction between two people rather than the task at hand. How does that look in our house?

Nick is watching something on our very old laptop.

I stand beside him. "Hey Nick, I need some help with the washing". (Invitation)

Nick: Shakes his head for no and makes the sign for "finished".

I sit down on the seat next to him. I don't say anything and I sit there for a few seconds. 

Nick stands up. I stand up. Together, we walk to the laundry.

Me: "Great, you are coming to help me".

My role is to hand him some dirty washing. His role is to put it into the machine.

I stop after three items.

Me:  "Thank you for helping me, Nick. That was easy".

Nick: Waves goodbye and then leaves.

Notes:

I invite, rather than dictate.

Nick makes his own decision/s.
I deliberately plan to keep the activity short (in this particular instance).

We work *together*.

I give him opportunities to think for himself.
I am mindful of being declarative.
I cut back on the chat!

I spotlight our success.

I respect his decision to leave.