April ~ Day Twenty One

It's Friday. You know what that means, right?

Friday is a day to chill. It's a day to do whatever we feel like!

Today, I made arrangements for Nick for be looked after.... so that I could go out for lunch with some friends. I also treated myself to some tulips. Nick was happy. I was happy. Win win.

It is always possible to make a plan, if you really want to!

April ~ Day Seventeen

As we were heading home after our long weekend away in a nature reserve, I spied some Zebras that were crying out for a photograph. When I came to a stop and pulled out my camera, the dogs (in the back of my car) started barking loudly. As if that wasn't enough, Nick started moaning at me and continually made the sign for 'finished'.

Well, this mama bear felt extremely irritated. I am generally a very patient person, especially when it comes to Nick. However, this time, I decided that I was going to carry on doing what I wanted to do. I was going to put myself first! I yelled at the dogs to be quiet and then told Nick to stop whining. Well, that stopped all three of them in their tracks and I managed to get some quick snapshots.

I even made two more stops on the side of the road before we left the estate. Nick and the dogs didn't make a peep! Sometimes, people, just sometimes, it is important to set some limits! :)

April ~ Day Five

It's school holiday time here, which means that I am restricted in what I can do and where I can go. There is very little spare time to go and hang out with friends or even have a quiet moment at home. It helps that I can get out my camera and lose myself in photography, yet also be there for Nick when he needs me.

Over the years I have come to realise the importance of leading a more balanced life style. Life must not be all about my child! I have been struggling to find the right words to convey my thoughts regarding this and then I happened upon this lovely article written by Kamini Lakhani. It really resonated with me and is worth a read.

To Make Your Child With Autism Thrive, You Must Do This First 

Escapism

Those in the know understand the complexities of raising a child with special needs and that of being a full time carer. Parents who are further down the track (like me) also understand the importance of having an interest in something that doesn't have anything to do with disability. Whether we are able to separate ourselves and be able to focus on a particular interest/hobby is another story! :)

For me, photography has been such a gift. Each day I spend a small pocket of time capturing an image. The journey has been challenging, however, I am making slow and steady progress.... a bit like my parenting!

Do you have an interest that helps you cope with all that is going on in your life?

Forever Parenting

I have been SO slack these past few months. Not that Nick is complaining about my mothering skills, you understand! For sure, I am doing all that good mum stuff, however, I haven't been guiding him in an effective manner. He (we) have been cruising through our days and there hasn't been much RDI learning/guiding/progress happening.

That aside, traveling has been high on the agenda this year and I have really enjoyed some fantastic grown up time without the responsibilities of caring for a special needs teen, who (although extremely lovable) is a 24/7/365 job!

At the end of the day, I am going to be parenting Nick until it is no longer possible. Therefore, I am giving myself permission to seize any exciting opportunities that come my way. I feel that it is important to have breaks, whether they be short and sweet like a catch up with friends; or larger adventures like traveling with the husband. Now that Nick is practically 17, it is much easier to leave him for a few days. I also think the change in routine is good for him.

A happy mum = a happy teen.

In all honesty.......

I have been a bit slack of late...... and the teen has had way too much iPad time.

It is hard raising a kid who doesn't have any interest in anything other than screen time. I mean..... what do you do when you have a child who doesn't play or socialise? For goodness sake, he doesn't even like trains, not even Thomas the Tank Engine! Thankfully he loves books, especially Dr Seuss books. Trouble is, I have read each book so many times that I can recite them word for word. I have 'The Cat in the Hat Comes back' dreams, or should that be nightmares?

Another reason for my slackness is that I have been trying to readjust the balance. If you think about it, being a teenager means finding your own feet, distancing yourself from your parents, keeping secrets!!!!! My teen is still tied to my apron strings and will be for many years to come. Sigh.

So, in order to maintain some sanity, I need to become my own person again. I need to find some extra time during the week to focus on what I want to do. Whether it be concentrating on a hobby or spending time with friends, or both! The husband features in there somewhere. Oh, and the other teen who is definitely leaving home in February 2015! :)

I have to start thinking about finding some help. A person who is willing to take the time to connect with my teen and keep him actively engaged. Someone who can provide me with a few extra hours.

You see, I don't want to be just a *Mum* 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.... and so on. If my teen was following a natural developmental pathway, he could be leaving home in three years time. He is severely autistic, so leaving home anytime soon isn't an option. Don't get me wrong, I adore my boy and would climb mountains for him. However, in order to have the energy to be a great mum to him, I also need to have some breathing space. It's healthy.

Therefore, I need to find the right balance that suits us all.

And I am starting right now.

Confession time!

Have you ever had 'that' feeling?

The one where you feel on edge and your body is wound up like a clock spring? You are holding yourself together so tightly, because if you don't, something might snap?

I did.

I am the mother of a child with special needs and for the last few months I have been craving a break. Sounds harsh, doesn't it? I am a mother; therefore the welfare of my child should come before mine! However, I think it is important to recognise that caring for a person with a severe disability is not an easy task, no matter how much I *ADORE* my child. There comes a time when some respite is an absolute necessity (I am speaking for myself here).

The type of respite that involves handing over of the care and responsibility of my child to someone else. The letting go of all the stress that comes from raising a child with complex needs. No more thinking about the food that he eats or doesn't eat. No more interruptions because the kid needs help with toileting. No more angst over the fact that he is having way too much screen time!

So, after nearly fifteen years of parenting an autistic child and approaching the age of fifty, I took some time out. For sure, I have left my child before, although there have always been those sneaky invisible threads holding us together. This time, I passed on the responsibility of those threads over to his father.

I hopped on a plane and traveled to another country.... and left the husband and kids behind.

I went home to spend my 50th Birthday with my Mum and three sisters. It has been eleven years since my Mum has had all four daughters under one roof, the downside of living so far away from each other!

It was brilliant, absolutely bloody brilliant.

I was away for three weeks and loved every minute of it.

The husband and kids managed just fine without me.

I didn't miss them. Not once!

As for 'that' feeling ~ it has now disappeared.